Kenny Cooper

The (not) real Kenny Cooper.

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

I have to credit Thierry Henry's advice for my success this year. Who knew you could double knot your shoelaces?!

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Oooh, free candy!

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

So excited to make the move to NY! More importantly, thank you to Red Bull! Red Bull gives you wiiiiings! #redbull #buyredbull #energydrinks

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

@MerrittPaulson Since you are putting in more water fountains, can you get purple Gatorade for the locker room too? Red is boring. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Just spent 2 hours removing half of the threads from my boot's laces. Will challenge @SalZizzo to a race after Xmas. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Hey cool! Our new third kit looks just like my U-16 jersey from 1999! #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Holy shit, I just realized I'm in a video game. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Today at practice @broomss dumped orange gatorade in his hair doing an impression of @alexilalas22, and now he has pneumonia. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Horst asked if I think hes going to be traded. Told him I overheard @MerrittPaulson say he'd sell a defender for a bacon cheeseburger #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

@PeterLowry Haha that was hilarious. Especially when the barista called him a hipster, so he poured his drink in her tip jar.

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Gotta say, I'm a bit gutted that @PeterLowry is leaving the team. He made the best Bananas Foster Pancakes. Also, he owes me $20. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

I will cook a lobster dinner and share my secrets of the 30 yard strike to the first person that gives @PeterLowry a wedgie. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

You should vote for my effortless victory strike in the @mls goal of the year thing. No contest. Give me the Applebees Giftcard now. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

I need a costume that makes me look young enough to trick or treat. Guess I should go as @darlingtonnagbe #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Next year I'm going to wear a custom Nike kit. Why? Because I'm Kenny Fucking Cooper and I can. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

When I met Thierry Henry for the first time, he asked ME for an autograph. #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Oh @SalZizzo thinks he's so great, starting his own Italian food cart. Well I'm going to start my own bikini coffee house. @barista, you in?

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

That was a satisfying end to the match! I bought everyone fro-yo to celebrate! #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Wow, I have 340 followers! That's more than the average attendance at a @torontofc home match! #birthdaypresentforme #rctid

[Kenny Cooper @KennyCooper33]

Note to self: When sabotaging Thierry Henry before their match, make sure he is eligible to play.

Another note to self: Get lawyer.

#rctid