Khalifa Ammani MBA,CIHRM

ADMINISTRATOR,ENTREPRENEUR

[Sir Dickson @Wizarab10]

September

[Ghost Writer ✍️ @Prezain_LJ]

SOME QUALITIES I LOOK FOR IN A WOMAN BEFORE CONSIDERING MARRIAGE:

1. She is very respectful and submissive.

2. She is a good cook.

3. She is neat and knows how to keep the house in order.

4. She enjoys sex and is willing to learn and do things to please me sexually.

5. She is smart and outspoken. With my level of exposure, I can’t survive a day with a woman who is not smart.

6. She admits when she is wrong and knows how to apologise properly.

7. She is accommodating and very peaceful.

8. She is healthy. I can’t marry a woman who is constantly sick or dealing with one health issue after another.

9. She is not wasteful with resources.

10. She has a very close relationship with her parents.

11. She loves and respects my parents.

12. She loves and enjoys music.

13. She knows how to dress well and look sophisticated.

14. She has shame.

15. She is not promiscuous.

16. She is not obsessed with social media validation.

17. She happily contributes to the family and supports me in every way she can.

18. She is genuinely appreciative.

19. She is a happy person. I can’t marry a woman who is constantly having mood swings.

20. She is very forgiving and does not keep score.

[Sir Dickson @Wizarab10]

"Online lo wa"

Once you cannot understand people's thought process, you turn it to online lo wa. One thing you people dont know is that, your principles on finance in relationship, exposes your financial thought process in everything.

"If na she dey earn N20m, she go dey me wey no get N500k?" is a very valid question. "If na my phone spoil and I no get money to replace am, but she get N20m, she go change my phone?" is valid as fvck. You can't see the validity because you like your women poor and incapable of expressing love, to massage your ego. If you won't allow your woman contribute to school fees or rent or anything in the home, you won't let her buy you a phone because the same excuse you gave for the former, will work on the latter. "She will use it against you. Make she no go dey remind me say na she buy me phone."

How can you then in good conscience understand people who say they will only marry women who work to make money and who see their money as family income and take joy in investing in the home and spending on their man? You honestly cannot relate. So continue shouting "online lo wa". When you drop your phone, you'll go back to your own reality where you're odogwu in struggle and unrequited love, or as a woman, where you deliberately choose to be kindless to your own partner.

Take note of women who say "online lo wa" and "a man that love you, would do it." They are the same ones who say "I can never do this for a man." They only want to be recipient but cannot express the same affection. Be mindful of people who use gender to intimate affection. Love is not a male thing, it is a lover thing. Only take seriously, those who say "a person/someone who loves you, would do it." They know it is not a gender thing.

Above all, when someone says "I can never do this for a man/woman" run very far from them. Every human being is capable of kindness and consistency. They just choose not to be kind and consistent with you. Money is just money, a partner who values money above your relationship is your enemy.

[Sir Dickson @Wizarab10]

You people are still debating what you can do and what you can't do for your partner.

I don't know the faith you people are practising or even the values you have. There is a reason love is the personality trait of all human values. We are very religious but very godless.

If I love you, I would wrest the moon from the sky for you, if I could. I would give my life for yours if it ever arises. That's the ultimate show of love. But that is also why I cant love just anybody. I can't love someone who is so poor in mind and spirit that all you can think of in relationship is just how to take. I can't love someone who thinks like a thief because she is so poor in mind - why would you be inflating school fees or money for running the home because you want to cash in a little extra? I can't love someone who is not fully invested in the home to give all of herself to it including her finances. I can't love someone who is so low in spirit to value money above the relationship.

Money or what money can buy, is the easiest thing to give to someone you actually love. If you find it difficult to do that, you already have a big problem because you'll never be able to make the real sacrifices when they arise. Again, nobody loves by taking. The only proof of love is GIVING. That someone actually have a heart to be unwilling to do somethings for you(a limitation of how far they can go) is already a visible presence of a lack of love. Love does not think of itself or demand its own way.

- "I love you, but I'll never buy you a phone if yours is spoilt and you can't afford a new one while I have more than enough to afford it."

- "I love you, but my money is my money. Don't put eyes on my money. I'll never submit my money to the wellbeing of the family and never expect me to pay bills or get you stuff. I deserve to be pampered"

"I love you but I can never do this for a man/woman."

None of this is an example of love. NONE. That you need someone to spell it out, is already a problem. The first character of love is that it is kind. The second is that, it is not selfish. The third is that it is not unjust.

Again, I don't know religiosity you people are practising that your love only thinks of yourself while you're claiming to love another. The most important thing every religion or society teaches you is love. Yet, we simply cant get it right because we are a very wicked people. Your values will always reflect in your relationship

[Taiwo_junzi @taiwo_junzi]

Marriage 101!!!

Please, never go into marriage with the mindset that there are certain things you can never do simply because you are now married.

I can never pay the rent when I have a husband…
I can never wash the toilet when my wife is not sick..
I can never tell my spouse how much I earn…
I can never pay my children’s school fees…I can never change my baby’s diaper…
I can never submit to my husband…

You must let go of this kind of rigid thinking if you genuinely desire a marriage that will healthily stand the test of time.

Again, marriage is not a competition to see who does what or who is supposed to do what!!!

There will be seasons when one person will have to carry more of the financial responsibility…
There will be times when the wife earns more…
There will be times when the husband needs help…
There will be days when you may have to cook, clean, pay bills, care for the children, make sacrifices or do things you once believed were “not your responsibility”…

Life will at some point, defintely happen!!!

Your spouse may lose a job…
Your business may fail…
Pregnancy may change things…
Children may arrive...
Unexpected bills will appear…
One person may become overwhelmed while the other has more strength to give…

In those moments, you will need consideration much more than you would need pride.

A healthy marriage is not built on THIS IS NOT MY ROLE, it is built on HOW CAN WE GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!!

Let me spell it out again:
There is nothing wrong with a husband doing chores in his home…
There is nothing abominable about a wife contributing financially…
There is nothing wrong with either parent changing diapers, paying school fees, cooking, cleaning or carrying responsibilities when necessary…

The person who says, “I will never do this” will one day find themselves in a season where doing that very thing becomes necessary.

So, enter marriage with principles, yes!!! But do not build your home around rigid rules that leave no room for life.

Sometimes, loving your a spouse they didn’t point a gun to your head to marry means doing what is necessary, not just what you believe is your role.

Because at the end of the day, marriage is not about protecting your pride. Instead, it is about building a life together with the person you swore to love and cherish!!!

Do not say you were not informed!!!

[Giovanni Ifedi-Williams @TheGiovannis]

I did not grow up watching my parents practise 50/50.

My dad once narrated to me how my mother carried the financial responsibility of the family at a time when he had no job. After their wedding, she paid 5 years' rent with her own money. She bought him a Peugeot 504 Evolution, his first car, and was patient until he learnt how to drive. She sponsored him through his https://t.co/JWyl546KXy. at UNIZIK.

My mother worked at USAID and earned very well. Dad had no job, but was never laid back.

And this was a woman who had rejected a marriage proposal from a German man who was completely in love with her. But she chose my father because she wanted a man she could build a new life with.

My dad even told me that, apart from the bride price he paid, my mother sponsored that elaborate wedding.

Yet, in the midst of these, she never weaponized any of these. Instead, she packaged her husband differently to her family until he found favour, and got his feet elevated around 1999.

Yet throughout that period, my mother submitted to her husband 💯. I never saw her spend money without his approval. The respect she gave her husband was extraordinary.

Those two people never had an argument or disagreement in my presence.

Now, that was the marriage I grew up watching.

I observed it. I internalised it. And I began to see marriage through that lens.

My mother eventually left USAID in 2005. Today, my father is the financial pillar of the entire family.

The Anambra man literally practises 100/0 till today. He will detonate a grenade on anyone that disrespects his wife or tries come between him and his wife.

There was this day my mom took me out on a date. While we were eating, she opened up to me about why she married my father.

She told me she saw a king in him, a man fighting to build a kingdom. She talked so grand and inspiring; I just sat there eating and listening.

So when he asked her out, she said yes because she knew that God had not blessed her with resources, networks, and opportunities so she could spend them on bags, shoes, wigs, vacations and hoeing around.

She said any woman who is not willing to become the primary resource that builds her man's empire, should have no business desiring marriage.

I did not understand this as a woman becoming inferior to her man, or disappearing for her man to be seen. I understand as purpose.

People need to recognize that marriage is not two people sharing bills. It is two people building something that neither of them could have built alone.

This is why I find some of the things I read from both men and women on this app about relationships and marriage extremely wack and strange. Some of the takes sound more like foolishness acquired from life and more like people designing theories around their fears, insecurities and unresolved childhood experiences.

This is why my mother would never tolerate just any woman around me.

In fact, the woman who eventually disappointed me was someone my mother had warned me about.

And this is where my disagreement with the obsession over 50/50 begins.

I believe 50/50 people are trying to turn marriage into some accounting system where each partner must bring in half of their income for the marriage equation to balance. That's nonsense if you ask me.

In marriage, you may start with 100/0, and move to 100/50. Then, eventually, with growth, stability, opportunity and shared responsibility, you move to 100/100.

There may even be seasons where the percentages change completely. No successful marriage started on 50/50.

My point is not that one spouse must permanently carry the other.

My point is that marriage should have enough trust, vision and commitment for one person to carry more when the other cannot, without turning that sacrifice into a debt.

[OLORUNWA 👑 @GODDEYGD22]

I wan continue with another agenda

You'd never see a babe gift her boyfriend what he can't afford

If babe buy phone for her boyfriend best believe she knows he can afford a GLE.

Women are not generous when it comes to love all na strategic gifting

[Ghost Writer ✍️ @Prezain_LJ]

You will think some of these posts are rage bait until you realise that this is genuinely how many women reason. An adult woman who can’t take care of herself doesn’t see anything wrong with it. She doesn’t even blame her parents and siblings for failing to take care of her, but somehow, it is her boyfriend she would rather pour her frustrations on.

Any adult woman who can’t take care of herself and her basic needs doesn’t need a relationship; she needs a job.

You went to school, your boyfriend went to school too, and both of you are working, but he is the one who should take care of you. What, then, is the essence of your education? Feminism fought for women’s right to education, and at the end of the day, some women still want to make themselves a full liability. It’s crazy.

Do women ever sit down and tell themselves, “I’m so broke. I really need to hustle to afford the lifestyle I desire”? No. Many of them would rather say, “God, I need one rich bobo, an intentional man. Just one!” A woman will rarely see herself as being broke. She would rather convince herself that she is hardworking and simply deserves a man who can provide the lifestyle she wants.

That’s why we have the “independent woman, I pay my own bills” gang. Parents, teach your daughters that they can make money too, and that financial stability is not a gender thing.

[Kgoshi Ya Lebowa @Mothematiks]

The idea of men being providers was based on the idea of women not being allowed to work back in the day. Women tended to the kids & household, while men went to work. It was relevant then, but in this day & age, women work & are paid well, sometimes more then men. Doing life together is about prosperity, if your well paid wife can’t contribute to the prosperity of your family, then you are harbouring a selfish liability.

[KING CHIDI @guzu_p]

The easiest thing to know about a woman is if she's generous and a giver.

Within few months of dating, she'll take you out and spend the little she can and occasionally buy you gift.

But the average man will date women who believe they world revolves around them and won't reciprocate their generosity but rather than breakup with them, they still chose to keep them because they can't do without a woman companionship.

These are the kind of men who enable "my money is my money and your money is our money" amongst women. Then come on social media to cry when the responsibility becomes overwhelming.

A woman who has never spent on you before is a woman you think will support you in furnishing the house you bought for both of you?

She believes if you can afford a 4 bedroom house for "us" you don't need her money for the little things. Afterall, you have shown her you're an odogwu.

At the end of the day, i have no sympathy for fools like this cause how you start with a woman is how you must continue.

Men have always been the problem.

[Maegor @obbieyy]

Texting my babe the next day after a big fight like nothing happened.

[Sir Dickson @Wizarab10]

Perfect.

Marriage is a covenant. You are to die to selfishness and love the other person when you feel like it and when you don’t feel like it. You love them just as much when things are good and when things are not good. You love them in sickness as much as in health.

It is a covenant - “to love and to cherish till death do us part.”

[Heart Mattaz by Rita @HeartMattaz]

"My money is our money, and my husband's money is our money. That's the principle that works in my house"

This is my orientation too; all my money is for the growth of my family, nothing less and nothing more.

Exactly. I tell women following me, no matter how much you think you have, you should not speak to your husband rudely, either publicly or privately.

Money should not determine your respect, love, kindness, understanding and empathy.

If you cannot respect your husband in his lowest, then you are a terrible wife.

HeartMattaz

[Sir Dickson @Wizarab10]

I didn't grow up with that mindset. Even as a child, I've always known my parents income.

Regardless, if you grew up with that mindset, you can't keep relying on it to live. You have to unlearn all these things and build a healthy relationship. It is important you question everything you know under the scale of truth and common sense. Our paremts are not perfect. We know where they fall short and we can't repeat it and claim that is how we were raised.

The whole point of education is to know better, and when you know better, you do better. Truth is, we all know what we are doing - whether right or wrong. We do them anyway and blame society for it because it is convenient.

[Kay💧 @Kaypoisson1]

Gabriel Jesus Tasting Assists from Lamine Yamal after years of surviving Madueke

[Taiwo_junzi @taiwo_junzi]

According to Nigerians, a woman can live in the same house with you, can take on your surname, can have kids with you, can even sacrifice her career to be more present in the family. But God forbid you suggest that her income should also be treated as part of the family’s financial resources.

No sane person will tell you a man is not “wired” to wash plates in his house…
No person alive cares about all the daily car runs and driving a husband does enough to see it as the most difficult job on earth…
No one will tell you that a man is not wired to carry his infant…
No person alive will say because a husband who has learnt a trade and/or has gone to school does a lot of chores around the house, he should see taking care of the home as his purpose, be jobless forever and be collecting monthly allowance from his empowered wife…

Not one reasonable human being dead or alive thinks like this!!!

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The moment we bring up financial responsibility in marriage, Nigerians will be fighting tooth and nail that there is a limit to how long a woman can see her money as family income. They will give you a million reasons as to why it’s abominable for a woman’s money to be planned with and depended on!!!

The rot is so ingrained in people’s psyche that a woman can be earning earning NGN1M while her husband earns NGN300k and the parties involved are inclined to believe that the husband’s NGN300k is the “real family income” and her N1M is for emergency. Therefore, the family should run on NGN300k and because rent and school frees is a man’s duty, everyone in the marriage should be made to live less than they actually should be living.

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But as always I’ll alway blame men who are supposed to be the leaders!!!

Nigerian men will intentionally marry a money-sexual whore and stay married to her than go live alone as spin plates. If you ask then why they are doing this, you’ll hear stupid reasons like:
- Rent is the duty of a man. Meanwhile, salary doesn’t have a gender.
- The child belongs to me!!! Meanwhile, na “the hustle is for mama” full everywhere!!!
- She go tell the world say na she dey feed you. As though, if you are responsible, it’s a crime to be fed by a wife.

Nigerian men will do anything to rationalize their stupidity.

The only reason most women are unwilling to be financially responsible in their marriages is because most men are factually fine with the bear minimum and do not demand better from the women in their lives. I don’t know if it’s testosterone or if it’s just pure stupidity. But whatever it is, I reject it even for my haters.

At the end of the day, men lead while women follow!!!

One day, we will come to the truism that Nigerian men are the biggest mumu’s of all time!!!!

[Sir Dickson @Wizarab10]

Simple final explanation. If you still don't get it, that is your problem.

If you earn N3m and your woman earns N700k, family income is N3.7m. From there you sort your bills, send money to both families, keep a portion each for personal expenses, save and invest.

It is not about volume, it is about vakue. That is why a woman who earns N100k whose income goes to the family is better than the ome that earns N1m but keeps her money to herself. Because her money is in the home, she is more committed to it. With each passing month you do this as a family, she is looking forward to earning more and contributing more just like younare looking to.earn more and contribute more. You can see your family working, bills sorted, savings going up and investment handled.

It wouldn't matter tomorrow if she earns N10m and you make N7m. Over the years, you've both carried the home together as a team. There is no ego or selfishness, just partnership of two people in love committed to the home they are building.

There is no woman that loves you that would sit and watch you carry the bills. That talk of "I'll support" and "I'll come in when he is struggling" is nonsense. That is not how partnership work. You fave the storm together, all day, everyday.

Also, no man is carrying all the bills out of love. It is just ego. That is why he will rather die than partner with his woman, but he can be borrowing money from his guys outside. Yet, the woman's financial progress threatens him if it shows potential to surpass his income because they are not a team. He just needs to always be miles ahead for the marriage to work.

[Sir Dickson @Wizarab10]

Let's be clear, if you turn down a person's advances (date, relationship, sex or whatever) and they choose to block you or cut you off, that is exactly what it means to handle rejection well. Nobody owes you further correspondence or relationship after a rejection. Dey your dey.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why you want a person you rejected to be hanging around. You want to leverage on their attraction or desire to exploit or use them. You are a thief.

[BIG LEO 🦅 @leodey4uu]

Saving the meat for the last swallow only to find out it was moulded egusi

[Dennis @heis_peredennis]

+234 girls too funny bro! you wan snatch me from woman way dey buy me things so i go dey buy you things 😂