Marcus Ring ☘️

Don’t pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. sports enthusiast #Celtics🍀 #GoPats #NEPats #Bruins LFG! 30

[Bexxy @Bexxy__19]

UPDATE ON GERALD AND THE CROW SITUATION:

Things have escalated.

I repeat.

THINGS HAVE FUCKING ESCALATED.

For those of you just joining us, yesterday I accidentally entered into diplomatic relations with a gang of crows after Gerald stole my good spoon.

Well.

This morning I walked outside and Gerald was waiting for me.

Alone.

Standing directly in the middle of my driveway.

No screaming.

No hopping around.

Just staring at me like a tiny feathered loan shark who had come to collect.

I said, “Morning, Gerald.”

He tilted his head.

I gave him a walnut.

He did not eat it.

Instead, this motherfucker picked it up, walked three steps to the left, PUT IT DOWN, and stared at me again.

Message received.

The offering was insufficient.

So I went back inside and got more walnuts.

When I returned…

THERE WERE NINE CROWS.

Nine.

Yesterday there were seven.

Gerald is fucking recruiting.

And they were arranged in a SEMICIRCLE.

This isn’t a bird friendship anymore.

I’m funding organized crime.

I distributed the walnuts because apparently I pay protection money now.

Everything seemed fine until one of the smaller crows tried taking two.

Gerald immediately screamed at him.

The little one dropped the second walnut.

I have accidentally created an economy.

Gerald controls distribution.

There’s a hierarchy.

There are consequences.

I’m pretty sure I witnessed a disciplinary hearing before breakfast.

Then Gerald flew away.

I thought we were done.

WE WERE NOT DONE.

Twenty minutes later I looked outside and there was something sitting where Gerald had been standing.

A bottle cap.

A shiny rock.

And…

MY FUCKING SPOON.

HE RETURNED THE SPOON.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I believe we have successfully negotiated a trade agreement.

Unfortunately, there is now a crow sitting on my mailbox.

So I still cannot get my fucking mail.

I tried approaching.

He puffed up.

I backed away.

That mailbox belongs to the organization now.

At this point I’m just a tenant.

Anyway, Gerald has officially been promoted to General Gerald, Commander of the Driveway, First of His Name, Keeper of the Good Spoon, Lord of the Power Line, Collector of Walnuts, and Regional Manager of Whatever The Fuck Is Happening Here.

I’ll keep everyone updated.

But if I suddenly stop posting…

Gerald found out I told you.

[CBS 13 News @WGME]

When someone calls 911 and needs emergency care, paramedics often rely on controlled substances such as fentanyl and ketamine to treat patients before they reach the hospital. https://t.co/rWnFBU9uMI

[Jordan Moore @iJordanMoore]

Imagine this lineup for the Red Sox heading into the playoffs this October…

1. Roman Anthony, DH
2. Ceddanne Rafaela, CF
3. Willyer Abreu, RF
4. Willson Contreras, 1B
5. Adley Rutschman, C
6. Curtis Mead, 2B
7. Caleb Durbin, 3B
8. Franklin Arias, SS
9. Jarren Duran, LF

Monasterio, Yoshida, Story, White, Wong/Rogers off the bench.

[TreVeyon Henderson @TreVeyonH4]

I’ve heard the saying that “God gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers.” But when I see the disciples that Jesus chose and suffered for His name sake, I don’t see Him choosing the “toughest soldiers”, as I learn about men and women in the past and even today who have laid down their lives for Jesus, once again I don’t see God choosing His “toughest soldiers.” But I see a strong and mighty God choosing weak men and woman, and empowering them by His Holy Spirit to face some of the toughest battles and be used for His glory.

I once thought I was a “tough soldier” until I met Jesus, I then realized that I’m so weak without Him, and apart from Jesus I can’t do anything. I need Jesus daily. The only way that I can truly become who God wants me to be and truly do what God wants me to do, is not by my power not by my might, but only by The Spirit of The Living God. Thank you Jesus.

[American Sublime @sublimeamerica]

Sophie Cunningham says she "couldn't care less" if LeBron James is disappointed about her stance on men in women's sports.

"Floppy should stay out of it," Cunningham told Sports Illustrated. "He doesn't have the correct genitalia to have an opinion on this"

[Boston Strong @BostonStrong_34]

The Red Sox are “salivating” over the idea of having Shea Langeliers as their primary catcher.

- @BNightengale

[Section 10 Podcast @Section10Pod]

Wilyer Abreu takes home the ketchup from the Rays series in unanimous fashion! It’s his 2nd KKSMVP of the season.

[BallPark Buzz @BallParkBuzz]

The Red Sox bullpen has a 1.15 ERA in this 14-game winning streak.

Just an insane run.

What if Craig Breslow adds to this group at the deadline and creates an insanely deep bullpen?

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

Erling Haaland searching Instagram for memes about himself.

[Savage @Savageboston]

Cam Newton has been fired by ESPN.

[American AF 🇺🇸 @iAnonPatriot]

Nah, we’re supporting Norway.

[Andreas @norwegianesc]

You guys have no idea how insane it sounds to us Norwegians when you say you’re rooting for us and hoping we’ll win the World Cup! There are fewer people in the whole of Norway than there are in London alone, and every single one of us couldn’t be prouder. Not just because of Haaland, but because of the entire team. They’re a team in every sense of the word! 💪🏻🇳🇴

[Dissident West @dissidentwest]

I wonder if Haaland realizes he now carries the hopes and dreams of 100 million Americans rooting for Norway to win the World Cup.

[Will Compton @_willcompton]

Flabbergasted at how many people took this seriously

A couple media outlets reached out directly, asking if I’d go on record, if I’ve spoken w Travis, if there are others that are upset

Insanity!!! 😂😂

I was just busting balls

Of course Dean Blandino was invited to the wedding

He’s practically a teammate of Travis’s being a former NFL Referee

[Balogun @balogun]

My debut World Cup… it hurts to wait 4 years to compete at the highest level our sport has to offer. I want to say sorry to our fans it was not good enough when it mattered most and we let you down

Soccer in America will only become bigger the belief, the talent, and the passion is continually growing and I know the best days are in front of us, the future belongs to those who never stop believing, this moment will fuel us. We will be back

Why not us?

For the nation. For the flag.
🇺🇸🦅
B

[Tom Brady @TomBrady]

Yeah so that might top 28-3 🤯

[Marcus Ring ☘️ @King_Ring17]

@traderjoeslut Hi from New Hampshire

[Mancity Gee @_MancityGee]

Show me a better career stat and I'll deactivate 😮‍💨

[Clix @Clix]

If USA wins this game I'll give one person who likes this tweet a PC