KJ_Pantíer

story writer. editor. reader. picture taker. giver of voices to animals and inanimate objects. fierce momma bear. traveler and adventurer.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Guests’ Chairs Tilt, Spray Water At Them During First-Ever 4D State Of The Union Address https://t.co/5A96WHAqFp #SOTU

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Has somebody tried turning Iowa off and turning it back on again?

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

@jumbleofjill That’s awesome and now I must know where this is

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Adult onesies and super fun, cute and warm... then you have to pee in the morning. Sitting with the top half of your body exposed to the freezing cold morning air... less fun. #adultonesies

[Pope Francis – ARCHIVE @Pontifex266Arch]

The lights of the Christmas tree remind us that Jesus is the light of the world, the light of our souls that drives away the darkness of hatred and makes room for forgiveness. #Christmas

[Jill Burket Ragase @jumbleofjill]

“Why you be so mean?”

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

I have decided that I am officially, definitely, indubitably, anti-math. I mean... come on! Why do I need to relearn exponents and cube roots at 40?!?! #AintNobodyGotTimeForThis #GREShouldJustLoveMeForMe

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

While studying for the quantitative part of the GRE, I see, “the math calculations required to figure out these questions IS fairly basic...” 🤦🏻‍♀️ #EditorProblems #NobodyNeedsMath #WhyAmISubjectedToThisTorture #FairlyBasicMyHiney #CorrectGrammarIsFairlyBasic

[StanceGrounded @_SJPeace_]

My heart ❤️

Baby elephant fell in a water trough & got stuck. Lions were waiting nearby & his mom started to panic. When things seemed hopeless, another elephant family charged in to help.

Retweet if you believe TROPHY HUNTING of these animals should be illegal EVERYWHERE 😭

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Chess Tournament Day To Do List: ✔️watch child from bleachers in 1 hr intervals ✔️do nails for evening festivities, ✔️entertain & engage other child spending day at said tournament and ✔️finish reading book started several weeks ago. ✔️smile encouragingly & don’t admit to boredom

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Today I am grateful for salt. It’s magical the way the ice on my driveway eventually goes away one little speckle at a time with salt. Would have been better to use said salt before falling on my toocus... but I’m still grateful. #ItsTheLittleThings

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Yes!!

[Nat Geo Travel @NatGeoTravel]

Would you take this epic route back down the Great Wall of China?

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

This. Well done Firehouse Books.

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Child: Mom, have you ever heard of a “butter-cut”?
Me: I literally have no idea what you’re talking about
Child: It’s when You’re about to hug Lucy’s bottom and she stands up. You get a buttercut to the face!
#CleverMonkey

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

During a much-needed, long-overdue massage session today...
Me: I always carry all of my stress in same shoulder
Masseuse: we’ll open that up today, but for at least the next 36 hours after this session you need to try to RELAX RESPONSIBLY.
#ThatsAThing #Relax #SucceedOrSurvive

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Just overheard by elementary school chess tournament announcer: “...We also have a belly button ring that someone left at their table, so if you’d like to claim that we are keeping in safe with Coach Gunner.”
#TheseKidsAre12AndUnder #ThatsNotNormalRight #AmISoOutOfTouch

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Dog: If I walk by as nonchalantly as possibly, I wonder if my mom will notice that I’ve slipped the remote from the coffee table into my droopy, drooley face?
Me: Lucy! What did you just take outside?
Dog: It’s mine! I love it the most! You can never have it! (Runs away growling)

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Me: Bed. Are you breathing?
Bed: (crickets)
Me: This is so weird...
Bed: Stop lifting your foot up & down and close that minuscule gap between the paisley pillow, me & your arm and this will stop being weird
>Foot goes up and down
Me: Holy crap! The bed is breathing!
#LosingIt

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

Clickety clack. Clickety clack. Silence. My hound dog’s nails suddenly stop making noise...
Me: Lucy! What are you up to?!
Lucy: Slurp... slurp... slurp
Me: Dag Gummit Dog!!! Kids! The dog just ate your Dinner! #ISayThisTooOften #SucceedOrSurvive #FlippinCoonhound

[KJ_Pantíer @KJdeSanto]

I need a British accent. @rickygervais how does one choose the best British accent to emulate? Or am I’m doomed to failure? #BornInTexasButIDontEvenHaveThatAccent #IMeanHowCoolDoesEmmaWatsonSoundAnyTimeSheSpeaks