i am kory

Kory was born in Minnesota in 1981 at the tender age of zero. He has been living vicariously through himself ever since. I am him, and he is me.

[i am kory @KoryDoesLife]

Last year I was way off... but its a new year!
My annual @mlb #OpeningDay predictions:
AL E @Yankees
AL C @Royals
AL W @Mariners

NL E @Phillies
NL C @Brewers
NL W @Dodgers

AL WC: @BlueJays @Tigers @Orioles
NL WC: @Mets @Braves @Pirates

WS: M's over Phils in 6

[Ryan Schumpert @ryanschumpert00]

We, as a society, must outlaw interstate signs for restaurants more then two miles off the exit.

[i am kory @KoryDoesLife]

@baseballisdead_ Unit was a Giant!?!?!

[10,000 Takes @10k_Takes]

This poor kid has no idea there's a lot more where that came from...

🎥: Insta - @tarabayles

[i am kory @KoryDoesLife]

I know better than to have hope… but this @Timberwolves team…

[i am kory @KoryDoesLife]

I know better than to have hope… but this @mnwild team…

[Paul Anleitner @PaulAnleitner]

2026 has given us some iconic images.

These should be posters in every classroom.

[i am kory @KoryDoesLife]

When did buying a car wash become a timeshare presentation?

Me- just need a basic
Guy pushing buttons that I can easily push myself - for $10 more you get unlimited
Me- just a basic, thanks
Guy- I don’t know why anyone would just want a basic, but okay…

😖😖😖

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

"Who is your favorite vampire?"

“The one from Sesame Street.”

“He doesn't count!"

“I assure you, he does.”

[Alice Mills @millsalice144]

Hamburger helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.

[Janel Comeau 🍁 @VeryBadLlama]

athlete: so if triathlon is running, biking and swimming, that must mean biathlon is running and biking?

coach: [taking out skis and a gun] haha yeah you’d think so

[mariana Z @mariana057]

I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm…

But when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket…

[mariana Z @mariana057]

The inventor of auto-correct has died. His funnel is tomato.

[IntellectualDorkWeb @Intel_Dork]

in case anyone was wondering how the roads are

[Friday Beers @Friday_Beers]

My DoorDash driver trying to bring me my cheesy 5-layer burrito next week:

[Tony Castricone @Castricone]

A 2-star QB scrambling for potentially the national-championship-winning touchdown on 4th down in his hometown against his hometown team after winning the Heisman for the most losing program of all time while his mother with MS screams for joy from her seat is possibly the limit of how good sports can get

[Luke Sampe @LukeSampe]

I must tell you, we gain 54 minutes of daylight in the next 30 days.

[i am kory @KoryDoesLife]

Watching Jingle All The Way makes me sad for what #Minneapolis used to be…
A full and vibrant Nicollet Mall is a distant fairy tale at this point.