Paula Kosienski

Comedian

Follow my instagram and tiktok
@paulakosienskicomedy

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

@reggriffin @HonestFoxComedy Thank you so much!! I'm so glad y'all enjoyed the show!! 😁

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

Child: Help, grandma got ran over by a reindeer.

911: Haha what a whimsical song.

Child: My grandma is bleeding out on the side of the road because she was stomped to death by an animal. I need help.

[Nate Bargatze @natebargatze]

So insane! Thank you!

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

Has anyone ever woken up in the morning actually feeling like P Ditty? #Kesha #PDityy

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

*At Orthodontist*
Me: Hi, my gums are irritiated because of dried glue that is stuck in my gums

Them: You should brush better.

Me:Its glue, I cant brush it out.

Them: Have you been flossing?

Me:What? Thats not helpful.

Them: You should get a waterpik

Me: *bashes head in*

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

Tim Curry understood the assignment. #TimCurry #RockyHorrorPictureShow #wildthornberries #HomeAlone

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

Teacher: Did anyone do anything fun this summer?

Kid 1: My dad took me to a baseball game.

Kid 2: My dad went out to get a colonoscopy named Mariah.

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

Inventor: Hey, we should invent a smart mirror to help with workouts so you can see yourself while you exersize.

Marketing: I dont think people wanna see their whole body when they work out.

Inventor: We'll call it "Mirror"

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

Weatherman: You can expect some golfball sized hail tonight as the storm rolls in.

*Puts on Golfing hat and grabs a club*

Golphing Gary: Tonight, I will become a hero.

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

*On this week of How to Catch a Predator*

Predator:I thought she was 18

Chris Hanson: It says right here in the chat log, you asked how old she was. She said she was 15. You responded with a picture of your penis.

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

*At the Zoo*

Kid: That snake looks really poisonous.

Other kid: Actually they're venomous.

Kid: Im glad your parents got divorced.

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

High school teacher: You guys need to work hard to go to college to get a good job.

*My first job out of college*

Boss: Sometimes Jimmy puts his head in and drinks the toilet water. Just use your body to block the toilet.

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

Catch me wandering around North Dakota telling jokes and trying not to be mistaken for a kid. #standupcomedy #jokes #comedy #FunSize

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

Me: If I had to eat someone, I wouldnt wanna be the one to kill them. Cause a peanut butter sandwich never tastes as good when you make it yourself. Ya know?

Applebees waiter: So you guys do want the 2 for 20$?

[Paula Kosienski @KosienskiPaula]

*walking with my dog* Me: If something happens, you'll defend me right?
My dog: *sniffing* Yup, Moose from upstairs definately peed here last.