Vladimir Kramnik

The real chess gangsta. It's all about the money, power, bitches and the Catalan. 'Parady account'

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

That little punk @MagnusCarlsen scares the crap out of me. Draw so I can hit the vodka. Nice #Qatar_Masters

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

@donofchess clock timing is so bad. If he tried to kill himself I am sure he would jump behind the train.

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

150 people died on a Germanwings flight because some selfish little twat wouldn't open a door.

If only Oscar Pistorius had been on board.

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

Last thing I heard was that the women's world champ could not mate with bishop and knight. Then a Chinese world champ. Loool!

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

@donofchess Smack u around the chess board and anywhere else u want, guess that's why u need @SilvioDanailov to guard you're back.

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

Been tanning my White arse in the Jamaican sun for two months. Someone just mentioned there was a women's world champ. What a joke!

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

We are all, Tal's children; I grew up on his games and in my childhood I played in such a style. - Like a pissed maniac - fuck yeah :)

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

I am trying a vodka diet.

You drink two bottles of vodka a day, then you don't give a fuck if you're fat or not. Shit yeah!

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

What up bitch @donofchess. When you getting in the ring with me?

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

Gary just texted me. He is such a joker. 'Vladimir you do realise China won the chess Olympiad last year.' - I nearly shat myself laughing!

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

#gibchess Who the fuck is this American fool Nakamura? What next, an Chinese Grandmaster? That will be the fucking day! Lol

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

Can see that punk arse Topalov is getting his arse beat in Gibraltar. Such a weak fool, bitch don't even know how to shake a hand.

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

My wife asked me if I had a secret pet name for her.

Judging by the look on her face, 'sperm whale' was not an appropriate answer.

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

After a life time of practice I have concluded the best thing to mix vodka with is vodka.

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

It's times like these I ponder times like these.

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

@LDNchessboxing What up fools. When u punks going to arrange a fight with me and that bitch arse fool Topalov?

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

@LuxChess Whenever I remember crushing that bitch Kasparov, I feel like 'smashing my pawn/bishop'. U get me?

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

Putin told me, that every Russian player in top 100 will get a new Mercedes. I asked, 'what about those who fail?' - 'do not open boot'.

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

Naiditsch asked to borrow my book on Stalingrad. No bitch you will fucking lose it, was my reply...

[Vladimir Kramnik @KramnikVladimir]

What's big and round and hates Topalov? The world bitches. That punk arse fake not getting my handshake.