Kyle

all hope abandon ye who enter here

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@Capraliena @wildwolfe66 @TerenasIII @elonmusk It’s too late. Come join us in the motherland.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@tomsegura Hi I was gonna repeat the same joke about everyone else not speaking Italian or living in Austin but I decided to write this reply instead.

[Tom Segura AKA Mr. Ladybug @tomsegura]

Fuck Will Smith's candy ass smacking a dude 4 inches shorter and 50lbs lighter. He's just in his feelings cause his bald headed bitch been fuckin around on him for years and he takes it. We all know who he wishes he could slap. #CuckWill

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@tomsegura I love you

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@bertkreischer Double Quarter Pounder w/cheese, large fry, Dr Pepper. If I’m adventurous I’ll order two single cheeseburgers or a 10 pc nugget on top of that.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@desire_Christ_ @elonmusk Why, did the sun do something naughty

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

Turns out this shit’s harder than I ever would have imagined. And no, that’s not what she said.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

Isn’t it funny how mentally ill people always think they’re right? Don’t even try to debate me on this one.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@RyanZohoury @elonmusk @Tesla Idk I got nothin goin on guess I’ll do it if nobody else wanna.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

This aged well after their divorce.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

If you had a highschool class with Elon Musk and Grimes, they’d be the weird smelly anime-obsessed couple sitting in the corner that everyone avoids. Now they just have money.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

I genuinely want to delete my Facebook account but I’m scared people on Facebook will think I’m just being an attention whore. Funny how that works. 1 point to Zuck.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@elonmusk So you admit there’s a God?

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@Croom21 @tomsegura @garthbrooks URGENT - The man in the photograph has been reported missing, last seen with Garth Brooks backstage after the show.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

Was Sigmund Freud right in his psychology or was he just biased as a massive fucking momma’s boy?

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

Welcome to beautiful, sunny Hibbing, Minnesota! Come stay for a while! We got parents beating their toddlers to death, ODs, stabbings, and a buncha rape! And Bob Dylan lived here for a couple months!

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

@marknorm you’re the Mitch Hedberg of Twitter.

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

Remembering the time a girl sent me an ass pic in high school and didn’t know how to handle it so I sent her a pic of my ass back. #oops

[Kyle @KyloMatt]

Accidentally smoking Indica instead of Sativa to get your day going is like accidentally ordering a decaf coffee.