Matt Lyons

Everything posted here is part of an ongoing compilation of rude fiction.

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@suzaminah https://t.co/WAJALVhi7A

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@suzaminah Universal sign of "someone cheated"

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@fuckingcorndogs Homonculus or what?

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@suzaminah There's like some esoteric tests you have take and then you get splashed with water and after that you get snacks and a shot of weak-ass wine every Sunday. Existential guilt is obligatory. It's surprisingly easy

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

Imagine being 28 and being shitty to your parents on Facebook because they made an out of context wholesome ass comment on a picture you were tagged in but it didn't make sense to anyone outside your family and it looked wierd. Cause I did and I still feel like shit.

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@fuckingcorndogs You haven't been the same since your paw patrol meltdown

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@suzaminah https://t.co/IiYSTTHXRc

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

When will they program realistic sex dolls to enjoy ska? Asking for a friend.

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@fuckingcorndogs Kirby has no natural talent fight me irl

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

Had this horrible dream last night where I was forced to go to a Toronto Raptors game.

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

Finding Nemo 3 should be set in the post-apocalyptic hellscape of the dying Great Coral Reef. Nemo and his anxious dad trying to find a new home while slowly starving. AL Gore can cameo as a crusty crab that just says "I told y'all".

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@GumbyTk I'll subscribe to your twitch but you have to name one of your fish after me first

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@GumbyTk @fuckingcorndogs How you gonna game with me and still not give a mention?

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@fuckingcorndogs Ya fam don't kid yourself

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

Shoutout to all the twitch streamers gaming 9-5 with 0 viewers

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

Seriously considering getting a pillow wife for the guest bedroom

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

Crossfit gym check-ins are the millennial version of "Every Breath You Take"

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

@carsongreenway @fuckingcorndogs Chase plants catnip on black cats during routine traffic stops.

[Matt Lyons @LadyofLyons]

I don't understand why everyone is shocked about these March Madness upsets as if the 2016 election never happened.