Lance Gummere

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

Apple, can you make a candy cane emoji, and a wreath too? I want to make a holiday version of 👉👌.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@GAFollowers @honey4k @Johnny_Potatoes

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@UltClassicRock @JohnPrineMusic Dylan, Lennon, and Prine: TG for them all.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@UltClassicRock @JohnPrineMusic Dylan, Lennon, and Prine.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@fridasbrow I just got served. Good point.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

Why do people feel the need to post their “I voted sticker?” They’re so proud of themselves, and so smug. (Pssst.....every non felon with a brain voted. Float back down to earth....)

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@fridasbrow Good point.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@MaraDavis @TheFederalATL Well, my week was just made! Thank you!

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

Some people are born with an insatiable quest for knowledge. They problem-solve. They conquer. Not me. I’ve been knocking shit over at dinner parties for DECADES. #Sequesteredtokiddietable

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

I don’t want any broken glass in my life.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

type 'DM @knbshaffer [your message]'”

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

Loved “Direct from @knbshaffer:
https://t.co/iUVe6Iq2lJ

To reply,

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@kroger send an employee out to the parking lot with a pair of pliers. There are way too many pebbles stuck in the cart wheels. Nobody wants a wobbly cart.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

Daydreaming about being a cop: I’d ruthlessly cite drivers with flasher lights on who park in driving lanes in front of businesses. Those lights are for emergencies. Starbucks is not an emergency.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@_FloridaMan Keep your chin up Bro. It happens.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

One of life’s best treasures that weirdly goes unmentioned; having kids means always unfinished bags of Saltines laying around.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

A bartender just asked me if we were going to serve green beer for St. Patrick’s day.
He was really excited too.
Bless his heart. (Pssst....Twitter.....Help.... I need a new bartender!)

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

Duck off autocorrect.

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

@EddieTrunk Eddie, you’re going to be hungry at some point today. Come across the street to Lenox Square and visit ATL Taco. Killer food. Lunch on us. Huge fans!

[Lance Gummere @Lancegummere]

The weather channel just said “it feels like 5 degrees outside.”
If you see a polar bear DO NOT offer them a coke. Remember, they look cute, but in reality they are wild, undomesticated predators.