I need a wet paper towel.

I like football and hockey. I like to play football and hockey. I like that I like chicken. Also I'm an OG.

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

I’m uncomfortable all the time, so I might as well make everyone around me feel uncomfortable too 🤷‍♂️

[J. Cole @JColeNC]

Aight im currently in Silver Springs, MD. If there’s anybody in the area that wants to ride with me in the Civic while we listen to the album let me know. I got new speakers for this. Please be in the vacinity of silver springs, ima come pick you up with ib, then we can go scoop 1 more person, then we press play.

First 2 people I pick up will listen to disc 29 with us. Next 2 people will listen to disc 39. Don’t send your address until I reply to you and follow you, then you can DM. Lemme know

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

Maybe if KK didn’t love lining up in shotgun on 3rd & 1 just to hand it off against a stacked box every time, we wouldn’t have fumbled, not that it mattered much since that play was going for -2 yards anyway. Just fucking QB sneak it like every good team for the past 30 years.

[CrazyNinjaMike @CrazyNinjaMike1]

🚨 SEC 70114 buries a 10 % tax on every $ you *win*, even when you break even.
• Tiny “pay-for”: +$1 B over 10 yrs vs $3 T bill (0.03 %).
• Drives handle offshore → states & feds lose more than it raises.
• Hidden tax = bigger deficit, not smaller.
STRIP 70114 or VOTE NO on the rule. #Kill70114 #StopHiddenTax #HoldTheLine

@chiproytx @RepRalphNorman @timburchett @AndyOgles @RepBrecheen
@RepSpartz @Rep_Clyde
@RepMikeLawler @RepDesposito @RepMolinaro @RepDavidValadao @RepCiscomani
@MarkAmodeiNV2 @nicklalota @RepTomKean @RepGarretGraves

• Win $100 k / lose $100 k → IRS taxes $10 k you never kept.
• Nevada, NJ, LA unions + AGA OPPOSE the cap.

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

Huh, maybe those 4 seeds deserved their home game after all. Maybe after these blowouts we can stop hearing all the idiots who want to take some of the meaning out of divisions whine every year. Probably not, but maybe. #WildcardWeekend

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

@badassidtrip My exact thoughts, wtf man

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

Thank God it wasn’t his fucking knee, 4-6 weeks is one of the better outcomes

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

🥲 God speed 92 🦅

https://t.co/HiE166wH6k

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

Dan Quinn was the last of the likely candidates I wanted but I wasn’t that sad. But jfc Kingsbury?? Dude makes Chip Kelly look competent. I very much hope I eat these words and whoever’s under center can carry him more than Kyler did.

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

“Hello Boss? Yes, I finished the problem and gave birth to Jack Black.”

[Fascinating @fasc1nate]

Judith Love Cohen was an American aerospace engineer who helped create the Abort-Guidance System that rescued the Apollo 13 astronauts.

When she went into labor, she went to work.

She took a printout of a problem she was working on to the hospital. She called her boss and said she finished the problem and gave birth to Jack Black

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

@93HotRod to blackjack dealer at 5 am: One more hookup and I’m going home, I promise
Dealer: You’re going home? You’re not going home…you are home.

[Josiah Johnson @KingJosiah54]

How Joker doing the Suns

[head chog @asaprockytop]

When WVU fans find out the larger number between 67 and 65 they're gonna be so pissed

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

How can you be the comeback player if you were never there in the first place? Saquon (and me) robbed. #NFLHonors

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

20/20 on the day with 2 left to go.🔥Can I quit my job yet? #No #ThankYouVariance

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

How much will I win when mobile sports gambling is finally up in MD?

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

@badassidtrip Yes. Protas and NAK seem the most obvious but I keep seeing Milano for some reason.

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

@badassidtrip As long as they make Milano look good too so lavs sends the right guy down when Nicky and Wilson return

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

When you mix up wrapping paper and toilet paper and everyone’s gifts look silly plus now your butthole hurts

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

@cmgilbert224 Ooh so many opportunities top 10:
1) Add it to collection
2) Make soup
3) Instant Mustache
4) Donate to the homeless
5) Braid into Joes hair
6) Christmas fun
7) Satanic ritual
8) Adventure to return to previous owner
9) Leave as surprise for lucky student
10) Accessorize any fit

[I need a wet paper towel. @Landez83]

@badassidtrip @McDonalds They got me too 😲