LaytesAgain

Yes, my friend. Standup. Host of the 3:51am pod. Reluctant lawyer.

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

A candy necklace but you’re 49 and it’s Tums.

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

Subtitles are the best when YOUR SPOUSE IS LOUDLY SNACKING CAN WE TURN THE SUBTITLES UP?!?!? What do you mean ? I MEAN THEY ARENT LOUD ENOUGH!! ISNT THAT CRAZY? THAT I WANT THE SUBTITLES TURNED UP HAHA CRAZY!

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

The way life is going, I don’t mind losing an hour. Hell, go ahead and take a couple years while you’re at it.

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

There is nothing like a gin buzz

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

My last 437 lol’s have been complete bullshit.

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

@bb_apes Is that a northeast wind blowing ?

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

Twitter: Y’all didn’t tell me this Harris Teeter grocery store bar was LIT!!

The Bar:

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

I can’t get an erection unless the Dow closes above 50,000.

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

“For real though bruh like what happened to the milk man?” — My 18 year old daughter, whom I love

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

Jesus gathered his disciples and said “Make apps for me, and market them most heavily during lent”.

[Eddie Alfano @EddieAlfano]

Who turned the heat off? #GoodNeighbor #HaveAGoodOne #Heating #ColdWeather

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

@EddieAlfano Brilliant as always. I would like to see more of the dog !

[meghan @deloisivete]

Husband: can I vent about my mom

Me, pours drink, eyes tear up: I thought you’d never ask

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

@deloisivete @Dad_At_Law ❤️

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

@EddieAlfano I will take it under constant consideration

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

I’ve been thinking about the definition of insanity for years.

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

If this is the last social media app you check and not the first, please unfollow thank you.

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

If my toenails get any longer I’m gonna try out for America’s Got Talons.

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

I already know I can’t sleep later

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

My college kid’s love language is

“Can you text me the Amazon code?”

[LaytesAgain @LaytesAgain]

*Bats eyes* “No, YOU’RE insufferable!”