LexEngland

Australian Break Dancer/Olympian

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

#LongIsland Iced Tea: Gin, Tequila, Vodka, Rum, Triple Sec, Splash of Cola.

#NewJersey Iced Tea: Wash your dishes, don’t drain the sink, add Orangina, Orbits, Georgi Vodka, serve warm.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Big Justational Rizzabetes

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Hey @Walmart the fact that your employees literally pick up the phone and hang it up to avoid customers is pathetic and unacceptable.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

I demand to see the Costo Guys’ blood work.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Ever take your socks off and put them back on so it feels like new socks?

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

They’re gonna put #PeteRose in the Hall Of Fame posthumously for good publicity and the poor guy will have never known and it’ll be all for nothing.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Whoever invented the Lazy Susan must’ve waited until a family gathering to make a really passive aggressive statement.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

I understand saying “criss-cross applesauce” instead of Indian-style. But have we considered whether or not we’re now offending early 90’s rappers who wear their pants backwards?

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and when you send me screen shots of other people’s, I’m very confused by it.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

I hope there’s a tribute band out there called Death Cab For Uggo’s.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Sleep tight @billiejoe

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Bro, we were born after 1979. We don’t use “square footage” as a measurement.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Getting tired of my refrigerator yelling at me for taking too long to pick something.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

We hold Taylor Swift in an oddly high regard for a girl who chooses to have bangs.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Is the opposite of “Man Hands”, Lady Fingers?

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Benjamin Franklin looks really inconvenienced to be on the $100 bill.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Saying “Is a vibe” is a vibe….

Did I do it right!?

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

How badly does @mattgaetz want to read to kids at the Florida library in a mini skirt? This bad:

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Stroke/Seizure Salad, dressing on the left side.

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Since Al Gore invented the Internet, should we be spelling algorithm: “Al Gore Rhythm”?

[LexEngland @LexEngland]

Are pregnant women legally allowed to take a photo without holding their tummy?