I finally understand what Machiavelli meant when he said, “Never play fair in a game where others cheat.” It doesn’t mean become evil. It means stop being naive. Stop bringing honesty to people who study manipulation, stop giving access to people who weaponize closeness, and stop expecting clean hands from people who already showed you they’ll throw dirt. Sometimes wisdom is not revenge. Sometimes wisdom is learning the rules of the room before the room uses your goodness against you.
"my feelings are hurt and i need time to process them so i can better communicate with you" is a perfectly valid response & i wish we used it more in moments of conflict
“You’re taking it so well for me”
“You look so pretty when you’re a mess”
“That’s my good girl”
“Look at me while I’m taking you, sweetheart”
“There we go, good girl”
“You’re doing such a good job”
“Just like that, princess”
“My pretty mess”
“Use your words, love”
“Mhmmm”
The internet constantly tells women that men are terrible listeners because the second a woman starts venting about her day, the man immediately interrupts to offer a logical solution. We are taught to view this as him being dismissive, emotionally unintelligent, or invalidating our feelings.
The strict, unpopular truth is that to a man, fixing the problem is his absolute highest, most desperate form of empathy.
Women vent to connect; we want our partner to just sit in the dark with us and validate the emotion. But men are hardwired to view the woman they love being in distress as an active threat. When he immediately offers a spreadsheet, a strategy, or a solution to your problem, he isn't trying to silence you. His brain has recognized that something in the world is hurting his partner, and his immediate, visceral instinct is to assassinate the thing causing you pain.
We constantly shame men for "not just listening," completely ignoring the fact that his attempt to fix your life is his most profound declaration of love.