McCardi B

idk why I still have a twitter

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

I was just hit by what I can only describe as a life or death need for an Ovid’s spicy beef wrap. I can only stare into the void, remembering the joy I once felt, being handed on hot spicy beef wrap from the one and only Darrell, then devouring it like an animal.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

*almost* 29 is figuring out how to convince your husband to buy another vacuum cleaner even though you just bought a new one last summer.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

Sometimes it feels like life is going by too fast and I wish I could rewind the clock 10 years and then I remember that I was doing yoga to sad music alone in my dorm and crying over the worst sort of boys. I’m way happier now, my back just hurts all the time.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

@bslocum92 Social decorum no longer exists

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

And now for my quarterly tweet:

A man in target told me I have cute toes and asked if I would mind if he took a picture of them because he liked my nail polish color.

I will never wear sandals in public again. Men ruin everything.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

@cisfucked In defense you’re supposed to keep your arms neutral so you can either pass a low ball with your forearms or use your hands to protect your face on a ball that’s hit high. Getting hit is a risk of playing and I’ve seen nasty concussions happen regardless of gender

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

@cisfucked Sounds like she had her hands low wasn’t ready to defend a high ball 🤷‍♀️

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

@ZRawTaroli2 miss u boo

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

@ZRawTaroli2 Watched that all the time as a kid

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

Me-“Brandon Gunselman…”
B-“what Lo? Why is there always something to get on me about in the morning?”
Me-“Start over.”
B-“fine. what?! What is it?”
Me-*points to nespresso machine he forgot to put a cup under*
B-“…..yeah ok that’s pretty bad.”

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

Brandon when he found me and my type A personality + anger taking over in rearranging all the free weights in a crowded gym because people are either lazy or stupid and put them back in the wrong spots.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

@dmarcv7 We are honored you think we’ll last lol

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

2 years here and I don’t wanna leave ever

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

Oh I found out I got the job last week 🥳

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

This one aged well tbh

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

I think as soon as I get home I'm going to sleep until work tomorrow. Or maybe sleep until I'm 30. Either one.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

I’m glad my sadness has matured. I used to be sad that immature boys hurt my feelings but now I’m only painfully aware that the world is going to hell and we’re all going with it. Now that’s what I call #adulting

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

*checks watch* Would you look at that? It's Drake time.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

5 years ago brandon wined and dined me and made me fall in love. Jerk.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

I get to go to Mussel and Burger tonight and I'm getting super hype.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

@joyce8355 @Infosec_Taylor You get fined through your taxes if you don’t have health insurance, another fun little piece of info that my husband found out after he turned 26 and couldn’t stay on his parents’ insurance.

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

Forever one of my fav videos @ZRawTaroli2

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

@ZRawTaroli - *gets in feels*
Me - *absolutely smashing some Insomnia cookies with no care in the world*
#FoodNotFeelings

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

I miss @ZRawTaroli2 @Big_Smooth78

[McCardi B @LoMcCurdy]

#love