Long Axe Larry

Paul Bunyan is loosely based on my life, I don't have a blue ox named Babe but I do have a babe named Blue Ox.

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

Holy fuck, im still alive. #NextYearIn5Words

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...and that was the last time i trusted a pirate with 2 eyes.

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

‘#Snapchat? More like #CrapShat ...asstag that on a shirt bro’ #Hashtag and #CrapShat™️

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

Umm holy heck shit fuck, I survived the coma...fuck that mexican doctor that thought i wouldnt. #ItDidTakeOverAYear #MeRuleYouTool

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...and that was the last time i trusted a 4-fingered whore with my sandwich

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

....well that was the last time i mouth-light a firework with a breath full of jack #FourthofJuly #BurntPubes

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...and then i slipped in raccoon poop...thanks @HoboHarrie

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

I went on a date. https://t.co/o32kEF5IsP

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...and then i told the Rabbi, 'i aint even jewish'

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...and thats the last time diarrhea played me as a fool.

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

Got drunk and thought i ran into a fart forest...turned out it was just a septic tank. #2016

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...well thats the last time i trust a one eyed whore with my credit card.

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

Stepped in some gum today but hey at least it still had flavor

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...and thats the last time i tired to play fetch with a homeless guy.

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

Bummed @diannaESPN is leaving dc but at least i still got @dougkammerer hot ass to look at.

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

#backyard #BackyardFun @1stAnnaBlast, pastatute, @Scumbag66615, @JCyrusMusic https://t.co/KFAOH6JcPo

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

One time a gypsy tricked me and stole my trailer home. Lesson here is never huff silver paint.

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...and thats the first AND last time i try to put a zipper on a kangaroos pouch

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

...and that was the last time i tried to cheer up a funeral dress as a goddamn clown

[Long Axe Larry @LongAxeLarry]

.@UberFacts is it called the same thing "down unda", cause I've given plenty of those in my day #AustralianKiss #sitonmyface