Stewart Little

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

@japan_nobunaga In my family we say you're "checking your eyelids for cracks"

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

So this is what my life has come to. I'm drinking a Pabst as a nightcap

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

Pokemon Go servers are experiencing issues. What a surprise.

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

@gabriella17x https://t.co/p8AeFDHnuj

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

Been saying it for years but I finally have a girl who's stout and bitter

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

Katy Perry is a goddess

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

Nintendo must love the fact that they can take a game they made 17 years ago and sell it again for $10 a pop with no modifications

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

@gabriella17x I bet that shark is very happy where he is

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

If I'm too lazy to get out of bed, even though I'm starving, does that mean I'm on a diet due to the very cause that gained me weight?

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

God bless Redbull

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

"You can't control me!" I shout as she walks away with a smug smile on her face. This is what it's like being a boyfriend.

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

I can't do this all on my own, no I know, I'm no superman.

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

When you poop so big the log touches the rim of the toilet>>>

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

I get too much sleep, and don't have nearly enough stress.

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

That's probably because my father puts ridiculous amounts of hot sauce on everything

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

Tbh I think part of being a father is enjoying spicier food than the rest of your family, be a man about it.

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

Just plugged a hello kitty head into the back of my tv and now I'm watching Disney movies on it. What a time to be alive.

[Stewart Little @LordComissar]

I don't know where this jumpsuit came from and I don't care. I'm the only one in this house small enough to fit in it so fuck you, I'm warm