6 FORMS OF INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE ...
Sex is often the first thing that we think of when we hear the word intimacy. Most people don’t realize that there are many forms of intimacy that allow us to have an extraordinary marriage. Here are 6 forms of intimacy...
1) EMOTIONAL INTIMACY is closeness created through sharing our feelings, thoughts and desires. You have to be honest, first with yourself, regarding your feelings before you can share them with your spouse.
2) INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY involves learning about the important areas or issues in your marriage. Perhaps you want to set goals for the next year, you want to make a budget, you want to raise your children with certain values, all of these involve discussion without fear of repercussion. It means that you have made your marriage a safe place for discussion.
3) SPIRITUAL INTIMACY is shared religious beliefs and observed religious practices. This can be as simple as praying together, going to church together, or discussing spiritual issues as a couple.
4) RECREATIONAL INTIMACY is being active together. Find those things that you like to do and do them with your spouse. Taking a walk together, make dinner, go to a museum, hike a mountain…do something with your spouse that allows you actively spend time together.
5) FINANCIAL INTIMACY is the sharing of your financial situation. Financial intimacy comes with developing a plan for your finances and being able to have open and honest communication with your spouse regarding money matters.
6) PHYSICAL INTIMACY is loving touch. Be it holding hands, a hug, a kiss or making love we humans were designed to want to be touched. Touch can communicate acceptance and love, a closeness that only the two of you have based on your shared experiences.
Put out the time and effort to make your marriage more intimate. Make sure you work on ALL the different areas of intimacy in your marriage.
Keeping sexual intimacy a priority in a long-term marriage requires a shift in mindset: you have to stop waiting for it to happen organically and start being intentional about creating the space for it.
Here are some practical, short tips to help keep that connection at the forefront:
1. Schedule It (Yes, really)
We schedule dates, workouts, and meetings because they matter. Waiting for the "perfect, spontaneous moment" when you are both fully energized and the house is perfectly quiet often means waiting forever. Putting it on the calendar—even vaguely, like "Thursday night"—gives you both something to look forward to and ensures it doesn't get pushed aside by exhaustion.
2. Build the "Simmer"
Intimacy doesn't start when the lights go out; it builds throughout the day. Send a flirty text in the afternoon, give a lingering hug in the kitchen, or offer a sincere compliment. This is sometimes called "simmering"—keeping the connection warm so it’s easier to bring to a boil later.
3. Practice "Non-Demand" Touch
Make sure not every physical touch is a request for sex. If your partner feels like every back rub or kiss is a prelude to an expectation, they might start avoiding touch altogether. Cuddle, hold hands, and kiss just for the sake of it.
4. Talk About It in the Daylight
Discuss your sex life when you aren't in the bedroom or actively being intimate. Talking about your desires, what’s working, or what’s getting in the way (like stress or kids) over a cup of coffee removes the pressure and vulnerability of the moment.
5. Protect Your Energy
If you give 100% of your energy to your job, the kids, and the chores, you will have exactly zero left for your spouse. You have to consciously leave some "gas in the tank" for your relationship, even if that means leaving the laundry for tomorrow.
6. Embrace "Good Enough" Sex
Not every encounter needs to be a two-hour, romantic fireworks display. Sometimes, a quick, playful connection is exactly what you need to bridge the gap and maintain your bond during a busy week. Perfection is the enemy of consistency.
The takeaway: Intimacy thrives on intentionality. It’s about choosing your partner over the distractions of daily life, over and over again.
“Marriage is a union of bodies, heart & soul. Honesty & trust are the basis of the relationship. Make sure that you’re honest with each other. Nothing will hurt your partner or your marriage more than the knowledge that you’ve been dishonest with them.” (Dennis Rainey)
I watched an elderly couple carefully walk down a grassy hill, holding hands and supporting each other every step of the way. What a beautiful picture of love. The strongest marriages aren’t built on perfect days, but on supporting one another during the difficult ones.
A wife's letter to her husband
She might have minor faults of tone, incompleteness, or latent resentment, but the main moral failure here is on her husband’s side. The critical lesson for husbands is that if a man is competent, hardworking, and outwardly responsible but repeatedly treats his wife’s heart, tastes, gifts, and aspirations as silly, then he is still failing in a central duty of marriage...
'I want you to hear this as my heart, not as an attack. I love you, and that is why I need to say this. I have been carrying a lot of pain in our marriage, and I do not want to keep hiding it or shrinking around it.
When I try to share what is on my heart, I often do not feel received. I feel dismissed, explained away, laughed at, corrected, or turned into the problem. Sometimes you get defensive. Sometimes you shut down. Sometimes you act as though I am too emotional, too much, or too hard to satisfy. Whatever the form, the effect is the same: I do not feel heard, safe, or cherished by you.
Over time, that has made me feel smaller in this marriage. It has made me less open, less free, and less secure with you. I do not bring you my whole heart because too often it feels like there is no safe place for it to land.
I also feel alone in ways I do not think you fully see. I often feel like I am carrying the weight of the home, the children, the planning, the emotional atmosphere, and the burden of trying to hold our marriage together too. I am not only tired from tasks. I am tired from feeling like I have to carry what should be shared.
One of the deepest hurts is that I do not feel pursued or protected in the ways that matter to a wife. I do not want to beg for your attention, your gentleness, your initiative, or your affection. I do not want to be the one always bringing up the hard thing, always trying to repair, always trying to create connection, always trying to explain what should matter. I want to feel that you see me and move toward me on your own.
When your energy goes first to work, screens, rest, other people, or your own interests, and I keep getting what is left over, it hurts. It makes me feel tolerated rather than treasured. It makes me feel like I am helping build your life while having little room in it myself.
I need you to understand that this is not only about ideas or preferences. It is about how I experience you. When the parts of me that are tender, feminine, hopeful, creative, or emotionally alive are brushed aside or belittled, it does not feel like only my ideas are being dismissed. It feels like I am being dismissed.
Affection without real tenderness does not heal this. If you want closeness from me, I need to feel cared for, not pressured. I need gentleness, emotional safety, and real connection. I need to feel that I matter to you as your wife, not only when you want something from me, and not only when I am easy to be around.
I am not asking you to agree with everything I think, enjoy everything I enjoy, or never fail me. I am asking for something much simpler and much deeper: that I would feel loved by you in a way that is steady, attentive, respectful, and warm. I want to feel chosen by you. I want to feel safe with you. I want to feel that my husband delights in me, protects my heart, and makes room for me in our life.
I want a marriage where I do not have to harden myself to survive it. I want a marriage where I can be soft, honest, joyful, and fully myself because I know I am safe in your care.
I am telling you this because I still want us. I still want a marriage where we are deeply united, where peace lives in our home, and where we both feel known, respected, and cherished. But I cannot keep pretending that what we have now does not wound me.'
Maybe we should treat our spouse like we treat our phones. Touch them a lot, take them everywhere, stare at them continually and give them the majority of your attention ... THEN your marriage would be blessed.