The World Cup has turned America into a discovery channel for the rest of the world.
And they are not handling it well.
In the best possible way.
Here is what they are discovering:
Free public restrooms. Europeans pay every time.
Free water at every restaurant. Just appears.
Free refills. Coffee. Sodas. Iced tea. Unlimited.
Free chips and salsa before you even order.
Free warm bread with dinner.
Ice in drinks like civilized people.
Air conditioning everywhere. Not a moral debate. A fact.
Parking lots attached to the actual place you are going.
Drive throughs where the food comes to the car while you sit in it.
Ranch dressing by the gallon.
Tex-Mex that cannot be explained only experienced.
Dental care that actually works.
Buccee’s. There are no words for Buccee’s.
Then they found the grocery stores.
Five of them within one mile.
Each one the size of an aircraft hangar.
Burgers. Steaks. Brisket. Ribs. Pulled pork. Lamb. Veal. Every cut of every animal ever domesticated by human civilization available in one refrigerated aisle at ten in the morning on a Tuesday.
The Germans stood in the meat section for forty five minutes.
In silence.
Processing.
They finally understand why we do not have trains.
We have roads wide enough for the cars we actually drive.
Parking lots the size of small European countries.
Airports in every city worth visiting.
Why would we need trains.
The Germans are taking ranch home by the bottle.
The Dutch found queso and briefly lost the ability to speak.
The Japanese are photographing HEB like it is the Louvre.
The Czechs are weeping in West, Texas.
Welcome to America.
Everything is free, enormous, air conditioned, comes with chips, and has five grocery stores within a mile that will sell you any cut of any animal you have ever imagined.
Write that down. 🦋
Waiting to board our flight in Washington and there are 3 Scotland fans in kilts walking past. An American lady says" I love your skirts"
"They're nae skirts lassie they're kilts , We're Scots not Trannies" I genuinely Lol #tartanarmy#fifaworldcup@jk_rowling
Sure they’ll stab you in the heart as you walk down the street or chase you down and cut your head off like literal horror movie villains but think of the delicious ethnic cuisine! The food trucks! The takeout! Yum!
The House Armed Services Committee just voted to merge our military with Israel's.
The United States of Israel has taken over.
It’s time to exercise our right to overthrow this treasonous foreign ✡️wned government as the Declaration of Independence clearly states.
At first glance, it looks like a group of fluffy kittens crossing the road. But in reality, these are Pallas’s cats, also known as manuls — one of the rarest and most elusive wild cats on the planet.
When an Indian migrates to the United States and begins to only hire other Indians, in order to facilitate their caste system (despite their lies that it’s not occurring), we need a FEDERAL LAW to criminalize their behavior. The United States worked hard to get where we are, and we should NEVER allow the Indian caste system here.
This nation was forged by tough, unapologetic White Christian men who carried Bibles, muskets, and balls of steel.
Pretending it was built by diversity committees or guilt-ridden soy boys is INSANE.
The company I work for hired an Indian guy in a management role. All his recent hires are Indian’s. There’s a pattern with these people. Don’t let them in to your businesses or corporations. They will hijack the operation.
Who else remembers when we had 24-hour Walmart, $1 double cheeseburgers, $20 full tanks of gas, and $5 footlongs?
Man....we had it all....
What the hell happened?
🚨WHAT THE HELL?!!!!
Divers doing a ROUTINE maintenance check at the Converse Reservoir dam in Mobile, AL...
...just found an underwater IED!!!!
Apparently a grenade-type bomb was sitting submerged at the bottom of a dam that holds an entire city's DRINKING WATER.
It took FIVE agencies: the FBI, ALEA, the Sheriff, Mobile PD, and a maritime render-safe team, to pull it out and detonate it.
Someone put a BOMB in our water supply...
WHERE IS THE NATIONAL COVERAGE?!!!
BREAKING:
The White House launched https://t.co/8ukGDBPljk, a new website connecting women with life-affirming support.
Abortion tells a woman she must kill her child to succeed. THAT IS A LIE.
Mothers deserve hope, help, and real care. Every child deserves the chance to live.