I Have Become a Quiet Room
The days pass strangely now.
Some arrive with open hands, and I can bear their weight. I rise, I speak, I laugh when laughter comes. Then there are the others. The ones that creep beneath the door before the morning light has found me. The ones that settle on my chest like old dust upon forgotten things. On those days, the world feels far away.
My bed becomes a grave of blankets, and I lie within it, watching hours die one by one upon the ceiling.
The games I once loved sit silent beside me. Their worlds still turn, their heroes still march, yet I cannot find the strength to lift my hands toward them.
Even poetry has left.
Once, words came like visitors in the night, softly knocking at my window. Now the glass remains untouched, and I sit alone, waiting for voices that do not come. I tell myself I am failing.
I tell myself that others move forward while I remain standing still. That I am a burden. That I ask too much of those who care. That somewhere along the road, I became less than I once was. The mind is cruel in its lonely hours. It builds courts from shadows and appoints fear as judge. Every memory becomes evidence. Every mistake becomes a sentence.
The house is too quiet now not peaceful, just wrong. I still wait for the sound paws against the floor, that simple rhythm that said
you’re not alone. But it never comes. So I bury myself in work, because silence is too loud. Because if I stop, even for a moment, it all comes rushing back and I don’t know how to hold it. My mind drifts away when I try, like I’m watching my own life from somewhere else, numb hands, hollow chest, a ghost in my own skin. I want to feel something to break, to cry, but that voice won’t let me: men don’t cry. So I carry that burden it instead. In my chest, in my bones, in the empty space where you used to be. And now I don’t even feel sad just… gone empty. Like grief hollowed me out and left me here trying to understand how to mourn when I was never taught how.
"The Path of the Dragon never rests on what has been achieved. It is driven by everlasting dynamism, transformation, never-ending cycle of Becoming. There is always something more to be experienced, something new to learn, and this experience is never the same."
- Asenath Mason
Alright my beautiful people im trying to build a community on my discord for those who want to hang out nerd out play games or just chill and talk be respectful of each other judgment free zone. #Discord#GamersUnite#CommunityFirst#friends#family
https://t.co/J1qgFnEfcM
📚 4 books. 4 worlds. 1 heart.
1. Where Her Name Begins I End
2. The Weight of Unspoken Things
3. Breathing Through Fire: Living With the Demon Called Anxiety
4. The Light That Found Us: Love Written In Every Sky
#Poetry#Books#Author
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