Lumen Christi College

- PARODY -
not associated with lumen, christi or college.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

where is everyone?? it's been months since any of you have shown up :'(

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

introducing our newest GCSE option: Foundation Tier Trappin’ Out the Benz

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

it’s no white people wednesday! the schools looking awfully quiet right now :/

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

made a typo in our recent announcement. there are no positive cases within the canteen staff, we just don't want to feed you all.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

so sorry for the inactivity on the account, all phones belonging to staff members were seized as part of a police investigation into the school’s many human rights violations. we will get back to posting regular updates shortly 😃

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

we've been told we have to allow our students one glass of water every day. but no more than that.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

don't tell anyone but the hand sanitiser is actually just olive oil.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

in order to challenge our students, we have made the decision to hold every gcse/a level exam in one day.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

we have hired some armed death squads and they are on standby. just in case.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

we have uncovered the source of the unpleasant smell coming from the maths corridor. police have gotten involved.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

don’t tell anyone but we might’ve committed a wee bit of tax evasion last year.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

too late.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

quick question: do any of our pupils know how to perform urgent open heart surgery?

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

from now on, every teacher will be allowed to say fuck once per term.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

staging a coup in a poor foreign country will now count as an extracurricular activity.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

we are officially changing our motto to black lives matter.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

from now on, everyday we will place a bounty of £100 on one student to make the school day more interesting.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

due to an incident earlier this week, anime in all forms has been banned from the school grounds.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

very sad to announce that we recently lost plinky, the rat that lived in the walls of the canteen. rest easy.

[Lumen Christi College @LumenCollege]

to celebrate the return of school in september, every student will receive one extra chip at lunchtime on the first day back.