Millan

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

In another life, I was a Chipotle burrito

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

Girls will say when they need advice they ask God then immediately after post a bare ass pic

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

Digital footprint is preventing me from making the real tweets I was meant to post

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

TSA: “Sir, we need you to take off your shoes”

Me:

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

If these mf cold callers keep trying to ask me for a survey about the election I’m going to put myself on the presidential ballot #MillanKanye2024

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

My Harambe moment was when Harkins took our Mike n Ike Zours

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

You don’t deserve to vote as an adult if you still drink go go squeeze

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

My patience is being tested, but I shall prevail

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

The US just turned into one big vibrator

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

Skill issue>>>one shot>>>ur mom>>>griddy

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

Girls who clap their hands during arguments must be great at making haikus. You go girl, pronounce them syllables 💅

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

I think I’m going to start bullying again

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

Oh wow Twitter is called X now? Looks like I’ll still barely be using it

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

I think I have IBS

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

“That hits different”
- the semi truck going 90 through a school zone

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

If only she knew I’d pee our initials in the snow for us (I’m in the matrix and she was never real)

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

Treat you like a queen? Girl, you live in a studio apartment

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

I just need more friends that bring out the autism in me

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

Selling myself on Craigslist because these dating apps are horrific

[Millan @M1LLAN41]

Even just looking at the Taco Bell menu makes me need to shit my pants