Michael Paolella

I post what’s on my mind

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

They should make a stool hardener for lactose intolerant people

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

Stop spending so long picking the 15 seconds of the song that goes on your story. No one cares ‼️

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

The elephant really ties this room together

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

Peak YouTube was when Brandon Roger made A Day With Mom

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

@_katiebono This aged poorly

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

Bro last night insisted upon itself

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

I wonder if people are still waiting for me to take my turn in Words With Friends

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

Being at Wawa makes me feel like I’m in simulation because why does no one ever go up after their number is called

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

Max is lowkey giving Meredith this season. Whether it’s the Meredith from brave or Meredith from the office is up to your interpretation.

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

Lately I’ve been rejecting all cookies and everything seems to be fine and dandy

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

I would give a lot to experience MagiQuest at Great wolf lodge again for the first time

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

I’m not saying you’re the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope the dumbest person doesn’t die

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

I just got hired at Apple because I told them how to make Finder even worse. Normally, it gives you random junk, even if you enter the file name verbatim. However I suggested that it just gives you nothing. Not even that useless stuff will show up.

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

The reason Squid Game is unrealistic is because there’s 456 people in that room and not ONE person farted?

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

No sleep, uber, club, nutha club, anutha club, plane. Do it all again inna next city

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

If I die after I paid rent, leave my corpse there until the end of the month. I paid for that shit.

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

Dr. Pepper could actually be a woman

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

New slang:
Who all = haul

Ex: “haul is going?”

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

I just took a tumble. It was quite humbling but also I understand why elderly people love falling. You get so much attention from everyone around you asking if you’re okay and whatnot. It’s a good test to see if people care about you.

[Michael Paolella @M_Paolellaa]

My phone was just dead for 3 hours. I was very excited to charge my phone and see all of the notifications I was unable to answer, and to my surprise there were none! Just a text from Discover telling me how much I spent at chipotle. That pmo. What if I was kidnapped