Crime and PUNishment

SoCal born and NYC raised. Veteran, single mom, paused attorney battling cancer with a fancy for Dad jokes😜.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

Only the first four letters in the alphabet are hard.
The rest is just E-Z.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

Why does spiderman have such great reflexes?
Cuz with great power comes great response ability.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

If knowing you helped a homeless single Mom and disabled little girl make it through another day ISN'T enough....DM me for a veryyy sexy thank you pic 😉 https://t.co/GM8cwSPZR0

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

How do prisons clone inmates?
One cell at a time.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

@JesterJum B

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

@pord_daed @melissavitelli @afshineemrani Impossible

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

@Herbsbz Am I the only one thinking those are hideous

[Jum @JesterJum]

Took my grandma to one of those spas with the weird fish that eat all the dead skin.

Took forever and cost me $60 but was still way cheaper than cremation.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

@lippyent Sleepy pizza? Really?

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

My friend was angry at me for dropping his iPhone on the ground,
he was dead siri-ous about it.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

Skeleton puns are very humerus...

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

If knowing you helped a homeless single Mom and disabled little girl make it through another day ISN'T enough....DM me for a veryyy sexy thank you pic 😉 https://t.co/GM8cwSPZR0

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

I read a book about world wars...
it blew my mind.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

I used to be a banker.
Then I lost interest.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

Why was the calender factory worker scared?
His days were numbered.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

To whoever stole my anti-depressants,
I hope you're happy now.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

If knowing you helped a homeless single Mom and disabled little girl make it through another day ISN'T enough....DM me for a veryyy sexy thank you pic 😉 https://t.co/GM8cwSPZR0

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

How many mexicans does it take to start a gang war?
Juan.

[Crime and PUNishment @MadCarly26]

My math teacher called me average.
How mean!