Sean Hayden

“Get in the flask.” 🦇

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

Many years ago I opened a @PotNoodle to discover there was no flavouring. No sachet. No seasoning. Just a lonely brick of noodles.

I didn’t complain. I just mixed in some tomato sauce and ate it anyway… because apparently I’m a fat little truffle pig.

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

The sound of a @MonsterEnergy can cracking open has the same effect on me as someone shaking a bag of Dreamies does on a cat.

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

@Pringles_UK Does this mean I’m not getting any Pringles?

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

Dear @Pringles_UK, I can only reach about two-thirds of the tube before my fat hands surrender. The remaining third has to be eaten by tipping the tube vertically and eating like a pelican. Unacceptable. I demand compensation in the form of more Pringles. Please.

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

Dear @OfficialBlueyTV, my son owns Bluey books, watches Bluey, carries a Bluey phone, has a Bluey tablet, a Bluey keyboard, sleeps with a Bandit teddy and also has Bluey, Bingo and Chilli teddies. As his father, I’m beginning to feel like a guest in your franchise.

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

Dear @Crocs, you’ve won. I own a pair. Send Jibbitz so I can complete my descent.

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

I’ve burned more calories opening a @SwizzelsMatlow Double Lolly than I’ll gain eating it. Are the wrappers welded on? I demand a box as compensation. Yes, I realise I’m asking the people who caused the problem to give me more of the problem. I stand by my decision.

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

@HeinzUK Thank you for taking the time to explain, @HeinzUK. I shall continue my losing battle with them, albeit better informed.

[Sean Hayden @MagicFlannel]

Dear @HeinzUK,

I don’t want a pay rise.

I don’t want a longer break.

I just want your tins to stack.

Yours emotionally,

An exhausted retail worker.