Maria DeCotis

Comedienne | Actor | as seen in @rollingstone @nytimes @guardian @wsj @vogue @nymag @comedycentral | broadway w/@birbigs | August 5 at 9:30pm @joespub

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

@NYGovCuomo talking about his daughter’s boyfriend @andrewcuomo

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

@moorehn Ew ew ewwww they are not lonely enough

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

TOMORROW! I’m TAPING MY COMEDY SPECIAL June 11 at 7:30pm @littlefieldnyc ! Link in bio!

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

I’ll be TAPING MY SPECIAL June 11 @littlefieldnyc !! Link in bio! Code: POWER20 for discount.

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

You’re not an incel. I’m an insob (involuntary s*x object).

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

Use code POWER20 for 20% off tickets of my SPECIAL TAPING on June 11 @littlefieldnyc !!
https://t.co/MFRT9shZuD

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

I’m TAPING MY SPECIAL on June 11 @littlefieldnyc !! Link in bio!

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

We SOLD OUT 3 out of 4 shows at SoHo Playhouse! Now I’m FILMING MY SPECIAL on June 11 @littlefieldnyc !! Link in bio!

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

Come see my SPECIAL TAPING on June 11 at 7:30pm @littlefieldnyc !!!

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

I’m not casual. I burn with the intensity of a thousand suns. You’re welcome, idiot.

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

We open TONIGHT at SoHo Playhouse! Use code POWER20 to get 20% off tickets for Thursday and Friday!

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

I’m returning to @sohoplayhousenyc May 20-23! Ticket link in bio! And I’ll be TAPING MY SPECIAL June 11 @littlefieldnyc !! The choice is yours.

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

Self-defense tip for women: if a man tries to attack you in the street, just look him in the eyes and tell him you love him. That usually scares men away immediately.

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

I’ll be TAPING MY SPECIAL June 11 @littlefieldnyc !! Link in bio!

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

“Women don’t care about men’s mental health.”

Men:

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

I’m returning to SoHo Playhouse May 20-23! https://t.co/1DzyX9eNP6

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

“I’m waiting until marriage.”

- me letting a guy know when he can watch me do stand up

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

Our president is a PDFile and you’re still asking women to write cover letters? You should be writing a cover letter to me about how you promise not to assault me.

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

When they straightened Ms. Frizzle’s hair, that was the last straw.

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

@queenofegypt79 I don’t engage in hookup culture

[Maria DeCotis @MariaDeCotis]

We need HR for dating. There needs to be some code of conduct. Men should not be able to get away with what they’re doing without consequences. I guess what I’m saying is…I think they should lose their jobs.