Mark Matthews 🇨🇦

Aspiring comedian trapped in a failed comedian's body. My opinions are mine. I come here to watch stupidity proliferate. I'm on Team Cataclysmic Asteroid.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

I can't wait for the next four years of Vanity Fair, Cosmo, and fashion articles telling us all that behind every powerful woman like Kamala Harris, there is a fashion and beauty icon like Stephen Emhoff, and how we can have his look for cheap.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Retail corporations didn’t want to pay for employees to run checkouts and lost $10 billion in theft - but those are insurable losses. How will insurance corporations make up for those payouts you might ask? By not having to pay out health insurance on former checkout employees.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

The worst person in any room is the person who says “hey, I just saw this documentary, let me now tell you all about a subject I knew nothing about two hours ago, but find you are stupid for not knowing about it yourself.”

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Loblaws is a 62% owner of the real estate holding company it is also responsible for 57% revenue as a tenant. Then they tell us prices are going up due to rent being so high. Bread price fixing was the least of our worries.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

@RemyLaCroixxxxx (A)trophied (I)magination

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

The Montreal Canadiens offensive zone entrance strategy tonight:

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Seriously, @Microsoft, are you in a race to the top of the mountain of stupid decisions? Which CEO no one in the boardroom wants to say no to thought removing the shortcuts to your other apps in Office 365 in lieu of this stupid AI was a good idea. #enshitification

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

The Montreal Canadiens entrance music next year should be Lose Yourself by Eminem, because in this series they are taking the "if you had one shot" lyric too literally.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Lego collectors, boycott the disgusting corporation Bricks & Minifigs until their losses are well past the money they owe the family they stole a $200,000 Star Wars Lego collection from. @LEGO_Group also needs to look at removing the authorized reseller license.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Thank goodness Sportsnet has an ad pop up in place of the scoreboard during their broadcast. I don’t know how long I could go looking to a part of the screen that didn’t contain an ad on it.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Breaking News: Canada’s Department of National Defence will also be issuing upgrades to the Canadian Airborne Regiment, by just throwing inflatable bags onto the landing area.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Slafkovský - GET NEW TAPE FOR THE BLADE OF YOUR STICK - you give away the puck too much for someone of your abilities.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

That may have been the best playoff series I have ever seen, without bias towards the Habs winning. One goal more than the other team won the series. Incredible.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Oh, the U.S. is DEFINITELY losing the war in Iran if they're considering it treasonous to say otherwise.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Not many people know this, but Christa Miller has it in her contract that she will only play women married to men played by actors with the last name McGinley in her actual husband’s productions.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

I don’t know, I think the 2nd Amendment is trying to send a message.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

I wasn’t expecting Trick Swiffer. #Wrestlemania

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

No Man’s Sky winning a BAFTA as evolving makes so much sense. It is a perfect encapsulation of how a self-appointed underdog can become a top dog, all while maintaining the appearance of an underdog. In all the right ways.

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

One of the most annoying things someone can say about a new thing is “well my old one didn’t do that.

So what you’re telling me is you want something new that is exactly the same as the thing you just replaced it with?

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

Is WWE really trying to retcon the “C” in CM Punk to mean “Controversy”?

[Mark Matthews 🇨🇦 @markmatthews]

1 x F-15 aircraft - $90 million
2 x AH-6 Little Bird helicopters - $13 million
2 x C-130 Hercules -$200 million

Endless propaganda rolling on media outlets that seem to have forgotten about the Epstein files? Priceless.