random ramblings

pest control expert extraordinaire and rambling wise a$$. If you want to know what i think about anything you are one question away from knowing.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

@Zamir_75 It was good action but the Rock tried to make black Adam an anti hero of sorts rather than the calculated villain he really is. That coupled with a complete abandonment of the Shazam element that drives his hatred it was lacking key components. I liked it, didn’t love it.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

Just saw a four loko can on the ground that would appear to have been “shotgunned”. In today’s episode of really bad life decisions….that.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

In todays episode of “realizations of my age” while folding laundry I actually said I’m really excited about wearing my brand new socks this week…to no one, out loud and meant it.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

Just read one of my new favorite sayings “alcohol is like a push-up bra for your personality”

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

Your mental illness is like your mddle name…everybody knows you have one but they haven’t figured out what it is yet.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

This is not the dystopian future I conceived of in high school. I expected a little more mad max and a lot less getting up at 5 am to go to work.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

Do you think tooth fairies are just a small subset of the far more sinister bone fairies? These are the thoughts that fuel my nightmares.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

My life goals include dramatically sweeping everything off a table so I can spread out an oversized map to explain my plan to solve the problem at hand

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

Imagine being naked in a room full of people who don’t speak your language and they all want to touch you?

That’s a dog’s life.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

I will now use this going forward when anyone asks something of me I’m not interested in doing

“To quote Hamlet, act 3, scene 3, line 87” <pause for dramatic effect> “No”

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

My new favorite joke:

What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays four notes in front of a thousand of people and a jazz guitarist plays a thousand notes in front of four people.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

Got up one morning, put my feet on the floor and thought “damn, I shouldn’t have drank that much last night” then realized I DIDN’T drink the night before. It’s been downhill since.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

My wife is constantly telling me that I’m always pushing her buttons…but if that were true you’d think I’d have found the mute button by now.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

I want to record an audiobook that’s just eight hours of breathing and page turning then right at the end go “oh, you mean out loud?!”

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

Some people will talk about you because you removed their privilege to talk to you.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

When you stop and think about it…carrot juice is also orange juice.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

For perspective, a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5 minutes” and a man’s ”I’ll be home from the bar in 5 minutes” are the identical amounts of time.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

I always thought it was our capacity to love that made us human….turns out it’s the ability to select each image that contains a boat.

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

Them: you’re going to hell

Me: what’s in hell?

Them: people like you

Me: what’s in heaven?

Them: people like me

Me: you really need to work on your threats

[random ramblings @MarkRadlein]

The Matrix described 1999 as the height of humanity and I just laughed…23 years later and the machines may have known something.