Aves

I swear I used to come up with short funny phrases as MSN Messenger statuses... now I just retweet

[Aves @MathMuffin]

@FoDSteve there was a decent trance remake a while back: https://t.co/BUbK2brby3

[Aves @MathMuffin]

@ZachWeiner For John von Neumann, it was loud German marching band music!

[Quite Interesting @qikipedia]

In 1998 "G-mail" was an email service offered by the cartoon Garfield, with the slogan "email with cattitude".

[Aves @MathMuffin]

@FranS199 @JulieMontoya20 @BFriedmanDC 146 variants of COVID19 have already been discovered. A vaccine for one of them might not work on others: https://t.co/uj5gjw97v6

[Aves @MathMuffin]

An example of how my "replace 'purpose' with 'porpoise'" game can make many random things you see or hear a lot more fun.

[Aves @MathMuffin]

@noelcarbs Why didn't we do this when I was around?? Also, is there a rotation for who chooses the playlist?

[Aves @MathMuffin]

@tylerfleming Knoxdale PS?

[Aves @MathMuffin]

@noelcarbs Ok, so "Mayochup Saucysauce" is the most ridiculous name ever, but fries in Belgium and the Netherlands are topped with MayoKetchup and it is sooooo good

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

That's because it's a homophone https://t.co/qbniISDznA

[Guybrush Tweetgood @philgibson01]

INTERVIEWER: I meant any questions about the job
ME: Hooray!
ME: Nope
INTERVIEWER: Congratulations, welcome aboard as Twitter's new Head of Timeline Chronology
INTERVIEWER: I meant any questions about the job
INTERVIEWER: I meant any questions about the job
ME: Hooray!

[Matt Selman @mattselman]

Maggie is in photo on wall behind Marge telling Homer she’s pregnant with Maggie

[Aves @MathMuffin]

@paulosenra Sleeping with a CPAP machine changed my life. Less drastic: ZMA supplement for better sleep. Or try ALCAR supplement for mental focus during the day. PQQ could be an option too. Sounds like just another substance dependency, but they aren't stimulants and no crashes/withdrawal

[Quite Interesting @qikipedia]

The gene that makes our limbs grow in the right place is named Sonic Hedgehog; it can be inhibited by the Robotnikinin molecule.

[Aves @MathMuffin]

Don't get me started on coming up with puns in Helsinki, I'll never complete the task!

[Quite Interesting @qikipedia]

In 1916, a petition was sent to Washington suggesting an amendment to the US constitution that would require a national referendum before Congress could declare war. Those voting in favour of military action would be volunteered to enlist.

[James Sumner @JamesBSumner]

Yes, it was me who smuggled a large seabird into the plenary and launched it at the speaker's head with the words "Actually this is more of a cormorant than a question." I am to be considered for possible readmission to the society in 2038, which seems fair.

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

'pore over' 🔍"to read or study very carefully"

'pour over' ☕️"to make expensive coffee"

'comb over' 💇‍♂️"to comb hair from the side of the head to cover the bald spot"

https://t.co/br20fgpmAb

[Aves @MathMuffin]

@theqtrivia uh, the menorah answer was wrong: they hold 7 candles. A hannukiah holds 9.

[Wilde Thingy @wildethingy]

I explain cognitive dissonance by showing people your tweets and then describing your actual personality.