MG

Clumsily laughing at the bad things in life. Secrets direct from my brain to your eyeballs.

[MG @MatingRitual]

Jesus Christ: The ultimate nepo baby.

#Jesus #PalmSunday #HolyWeek2023 #Christianity

[MG @MatingRitual]

I'm convinced that my mom is on the prayer line just to get hot church gossip.
#Catholic

[MG @MatingRitual]

For the love of God, don't rhetorically ask me "what are the odds?" Cuz I'll get out my fucking calculator.

[MG @MatingRitual]

@JamesWh84290925 @LindsayCGraves Hi James! Research shows that the break through infection rate is low. In general, the unvaccinated population (including children) are the ones who will suffer and spread the virus.

[MG @MatingRitual]

@krisvire Be explicit.Who?

[MG @MatingRitual]

Hair is essentially strings that constantly grow out of our head.

[MG @MatingRitual]

If I close my eyes, I can't differentiate between Peppa Pig and Call The Midwife.
#peppapig #callthemidwife #bbc

[MG @MatingRitual]

@helikedmyshoes That's awful/annoying. Do you know who it is? Do I still get your stories? They're pretty much my news source.

[MG @MatingRitual]

@brazenhussyrant That is life with my husband.

[MG @MatingRitual]

What percentage of non-mask-wearers willingly wear a Klan's hood? #MasksOn

[MG @MatingRitual]

@twig5597 All four of us endured it. I don't think socialization is worth it.

[MG @MatingRitual]

When that swab went into my upper sinus cavity, the space time continuum halted and God himself told me that he was not real. #COVID19 #CovidTesting

[MG @MatingRitual]

Aftermath is advanced word problems.

[MG @MatingRitual]

@AnnaLu312 My auntie died too. She was eccentric. XO.

[MG @MatingRitual]

I thought my husband left me today and I was so pissed he didn't take one of the children.

[MG @MatingRitual]

@LisaLaureta Some hungry mf.

[MG @MatingRitual]

After a Zoom cocktail party, I like to drive around the block so that I can still feel alive. #drunkdriving #justkidding

[MG @MatingRitual]

@WhitneyCummings Hallowed be thy name.

[MG @MatingRitual]

My husband told our kid, "you're the type of child who'd turn her parents into the Gestapo."
She's 3.
He's right.
@toombsday

[MG @MatingRitual]

The evidence is mounting that I am dead and this is hell.