Madonna is still out there fighting Father Time like he stole her parking spot.
Fishnets. Leather. Lace. Corsets. Thigh-high boots. She looks like a CrossFit vampire threw up on a Bratz doll.
She’s still trying to give us “Papa Don’t Preach” but that’s become “Papa Don’t Forget Your Blood Pressure Medicine.”
And “Like a Prayer”?
At 70, that one still works. You start praying every time you stand up too fast.
And can we discuss whatever the hell is happening with that ass?
I don’t know if that’s implants, padding, shapewear, or she shoplifted two decorative couch pillows from HomeGoods, but that thing looks like it requires a wide-load escort.
Look, Madonna was smoking hot. Madonna was iconic. She owned the ’80s. But Ronald Reagan was president the last time half this wardrobe made sense.
Eventually you have to let an era go.
You don’t see Mr. T walking around with forty pounds of gold around his neck anymore.
You don’t see David Lee Roth jumping off drum risers in assless chaps.
Actually, you might. Bad example.
But Madonna is still hanging on like somebody told her the fountain of youth is hidden inside a pair of fishnets.
Girl, put down the riding crop.
Pick up a Kohl’s coupon.
And a nice cardigan
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