Matthew C. Hebert

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@spaceghost @jk_rowling Dolly also didn’t have to desperately reference the last time she was actually artistically relevant in a pathetic attempt to attach herself to someone that wanted nothing to do with her.

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@krassenstein I know it’s not the most important thing, but what’s with the comically oversized fake books on either side of them?

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@fatstevebuscemi You made 9 ppl feel better, who probably weren’t feeling great themselves. It’s not much but it’s better than not doing it.

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@Acyn “This isn’t staged!”
No kidding?

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@TheMaineWonk Why didn’t sailors looking for the Northwest Passage just walk across Canada?

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@DavidAFrench It’s not very well written.

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@JennyENicholson Probably not the main takeaway, but the joke, rolling back the “rock,” was right there. Come on guys…

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@polypocketknife You’re never going to go wrong with “Bigot!” It’s got that quick, two syllable punch. Hit hard and get out.

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@JoeyMannarinoUS Why do you look like that?

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@MeganBitchell $5 says they don’t even bother printing up the “Eagles just won the SB!!” shirts this year.

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@LemonLymancom Donna obviously. If she wasn’t with Josh and Toby when they got lost they’d have had to buy a house.

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@Acyn His Brain: Wait so is liquid oil a gas or gold in this metaphor?
His Mouth: Well I just met non liquid gold.
His Brain: Uh-oh it’s already off the rails. Weren’t we just in Iowa?
His Mouth: Corn!
His Brain: Nailed it…

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@Acyn His Brain: I don’t think “debank” is a word.
His Mouth: Yeah I’m gonna keep going with it, see if I can make it work
His Brain: (waits 2 sec) it’s not
His Mouth: Electric cars!!

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@Kingcast19 A certain kind of serendipity…

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@leslieleeiii Rob Zombie circa 2005

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@Acosta @YouTube You know what he doesn’t say? The word “sorry.”

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@StephenKing I’ve got about 3 days left on a 10-day quarantine, there’s a storm about to hit MA, and I’ve never seen this before! How did you know this is basically exactly what I needed right now??

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@TitusNation No way. Hannibal would consider him “rude.”

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

If @VP clutched those pearls any tighter they’d be Benoit balls.

[Matthew C. Hebert @Matt_C_Hebert]

@revrrlewis 11,300,000,000,000/350,000,000=$322,857 so hey If that check could be made out to cash that’d be great.