Matt Johnston

And party and bullshit and party and bullshit

[todd bonzalez @doinkpatrol]

there should be more sandwiches that you can dip

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

@Meenasara22

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

Finally

[Steve Howey @stevehowey]

Goodbye...

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

FaceTime voicemails should be a thing

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

There’s always one pistachio that won’t open

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

Do people with a unibrow not notice it or does it just grow in full every night it becomes not worth it to trim anymore?

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

Right after the countdown the pizza boxes on my stove lit on fire ... not a good sign for 2021

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

Happy Christmas Ron

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

I’ve been trying to crack the left side of my neck for 10+ years and it finally happened...it’s a Christmas miracle!

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

Shaking an empty drink glass at me indicates you would like to wait longer for your next drink

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

@9onyx9

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

I hate a mfr who drives with their turn signal on

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

Today would be a bad day to help someone move

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

I like it when people call oatmeal porridge

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

I wanna touch lava so badly it looks like adult play-Doh for brave adults

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

I’ve been really into crocodiles and alligators lately. I have a couple questions about them.

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

Damn lil bow wow had so much potential

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

Thinking about the ocean too long can really stress me out

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

The only slot I’m good at in Vegas is the ATM

[Matt Johnston @MattJ120]

@holmzie24 Yeah, you tell em mike!