Matt Stade

I can't know how to hear any more about tables

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

Just give me a game and I'm vibin, life is not that complicated sometimes 😮‍💨

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

Yard game? Bar game?? Board game??? Card game???? Drinking game????? Video game??????

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

@idkshane Must be facing the little league equivalent of the White Sox bullpen

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

@idkshane 3.154 OPS 😳

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

This man is trimming his nails on the metra at 7AM, just letting the clippings fall to the floor. I'm no narc but my gut tells me to call the cops as this dude is surely a serial killer of some kind

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords may not be a good basis for a system of government, but it can't be much worse than what we have now

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

@idkshane go off, king

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

As a landlord, how can you have your ground floor apts flood THREE times in a single year and still insist that it's not the building's fault??? And that the resident is responsible for cleaning all the floors that aren't the carpet?? Y'all trash let me out of this damn lease

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

@caffeinatedpup Iowa State and busting brackets, I can't think of a better combo. But I much prefer this bracket busting to the 2015 version

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

Iowa State athletics may give me the lowest lows, but they also give me the highest highs so I'll take it

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

@chaoticgo0d If you truly want to humble yourself go listen to your man Hobo Johnson

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

I just realized this weekend is only 47 hours long I hate it here

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

@setneufkcire Hanley???? And to a lesser extent Miggy

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

Today one of our office managers called me "an oasis of fun in a world of despair" so you all can send me thank you letters now for gracing you with my presence

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

No thoughts, just Moon Baboon

[Chad Johnson @ochocinco]

This is funny but also sad because they still haven’t responded 😢

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

Imagine being a grown ass adult and saying chipolte

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

@gwenbadass so THAT'S why they're called dad jokes?

[Matt Stade @MattStade]

@xjavontax That one dreadful song about Applebee's that I thought was made specifically for a commercial but actually exists by itself, and some people in this world unironically listen to it. That's gotta be up