Matt Harris

I'd rather die on my feet, than live on my knees.

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

Still valid https://t.co/E8IYQgFu0Q

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

I wonder if I'll ever find a girl that looks at me the way my sister looks at this cake..🤔

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

Anybody ever notice how stunning the Palmer library is? WOW. What. a. building! So pretty..Also, representing 1/2 the town’s net worth!!!

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

Yelling at the waitress because your food was sub-par is like yelling at the UPS man for delivering last month's Golfers Digest you dickwad.

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

Why does our 55+ population feel so adamant about standing in the locker room nude for such a long duration? Why talk politics naked Walter?

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

@stephakneeopal YASSSSS

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

I do this cool thing on the weekend where I annihilate my body via carb overdose then pretend like I'm not disgusting and work out all week🙂

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

I have a proposition for Discovery Channel's next TV series: The Creatures of Ware Wal-Mart. Going to be lit 🔥

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

I got drunk by myself last night and ate half a jar of Nutella. I'll work on a summer bod next year.

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

@EmilyCzaja Glad we see eye to eye on this ☝🏻

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

@EmilyCzaja Yankees are***

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

"See Matt you're lucky I have ole' faithful back home or there wouldn't be any women in D.C. left to pick up."
Mikey takes 0 prisoners.

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

Last MP shift EVER is in the books and I'm feeling like a champion. I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD. #freedom
#CivDiv #Donesirdone

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

@Moes_HQ I love u

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

I'm pretty interested in you if I bring you to Chipotle but you better know I think you're wifey material if I bring you to Moe's.

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

There's a city in Singapore with vending machines that sell ready-to-eat mash potatoes. I see somebody in this vast world understands me.

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

@heatheraashley Knew it wasn't just me 👀

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

People who leave their shopping cart in the middle of a parking spot and proceed to drive off must be eliminated from the gene pool.

[CNN @CNN]

“Guys, a woman who’s dead drunk cannot consent. You are raping her." Joe Biden doesn't mince words in a powerful speech to college students

[Matt Harris @MattyIceUSMC]

You're telling me after a grueling 30 minutes on the stair stepper I have burnt off maybe two bites of this burrito what a sick fuckin world

[CNN @CNN]

A Texas-based company has offered to equip every police officer in the United States with a body camera for one year https://t.co/DcdgxDVDsr