Shawn

Middle aged human male.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

The other night my 5 year old daughter says to my wife: "Mommy, your tummy looks like you're going to have a baby!" ... Diet mode ACTIVATE!

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Over 7 billion people on the planet, and none of them are listening.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Lately I find I'm wanting an adult conversation regarding human sexuality free of preconceived notions, yet no interested participants.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

"Trust but verify" has always seemed to me like a euphemism for my personal policy of "just don't trust". Why the charade of false trust?

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Rather than wash my hands each time I use the bathroom, I just wash my wiener in the morning and I'm good all day long!

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

I'd like to start greeting people with "How's your marriage?" just to see how they respond.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Cheese crumbs spread before a pair of copulating rats will apparently distract the female... but not the male.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Becoming a suicide bomber is really just a cry for help. Granted, a singular and VERY LOUD cry for help...

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

A woman asking a guy "Do you notice anything different?" is like me opening the hood of the car and asking the same thing.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

In high school you think "I AM EVERYTHING!". In college you think "I AM Something?". By 30 you think "I'm not much of anything really...".

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Ms. GaGa. It's "you and 'I' could write a bad romance" not "you and me". Now, GTFO of my Head!!

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

How do you suppose Transformers have sex? I imagine it sounding a little something like Dubstep.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Quietly contemplating the words to the song Mad World.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Youtube watching procedure
1 - click on interesting video
2 - mute/skip advert
3 - disable popup comments
4 - close popup advert
5 - watch

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

An old man once told me:
"When it comes to making you feel good sex is far too over rated and a good bowel movement is far too under rated"

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

High correlation between BMW drivers and general douchebaggery.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

I am often surprised at how insecure men can be (myself included) when faced with the most mundane everyday threats.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

So, since I don't update my blog any longer and no one reads it, this may be a viable alternative. Time will tell.

[Shawn @Maximus_Manimal]

Decided to become a twit.