Max Levio

Professional shit-poster,
Comedian, Online sex educator, Philanthropic force of nature.
Titan of my industry.
Amazon #1 Hot New Release Author.

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

You wish you were as classy a lady as I am, I could wear the god damn curtains and slay the hearts of the young and restless!

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

I wonder what it would take to meet a music producer

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

I'm basically God's voicemail.

When you pray and he's busy it goes to me.

You're welcome bitches.

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

@MAXLEVIO

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

Y'all are pussies. And my talents are wasted on this app

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

Bar Trivia Hosts Fear Me!!!!

[Not Jerome Powell @alifarhat79]

IBM shareholders becoming millionaires in 2026 after investing $11 ninety years ago

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

This question has plagued me for a while now...

Do paraplegics give better head from all that extra mouth usage?

I'd argue they're the ultimate peak of sexual partners.
They're down for literally anything (at least they won't fight you off).
Tongue technique down to a science.

In short: When shopping for a mate, pick the girl next door in the living room and a paraplegic in the bedroom.

That is all.

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

@X @elonmusk No! I don't want to see who's on my contacts. I am a shit poster and can't be seen near normal people. Give me an option to opt-out!!!!

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

If you ain't ready to leave an ass print on the hood of the car It ain't gonna work out between us

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

I feel like it should be legal to kill baby seals

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

If it keeps me paid and laid I completely endorse it.

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

I'm not normally one for queers and drag. But I would 100% watch a Princess Di movie played by Owen Wilson. On the stipulation that its played as serious as a car crash.

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

Taco Bell. Sunday. I walked in at 11:30 AM, straight from church, thinking I’d be blessed with a Crunchwrap and maybe a little Baja Blast to keep the holy spirit flowing. But what I walked into was a waiting room for the spiritually and physically broken.

The place was packed. Not with people eating. Oh no. Just folks sitting quietly, holding onto receipts and hope. I placed my order and joined them. The air was heavy with hunger and confusion. Nobody made a sound. It was like the DMV but with a faint smell of nacho cheese.

I looked around and knew instantly this was not going to be quick. One guy was leaned against the wall like he’d been through battle. A woman looked like she was considering canceling lunch altogether and just starting a new life. And one man, I kid you not, looked like he’d been there since the Old Testament.

The screen hadn’t updated in 15 minutes. I watched as people would cautiously approach the counter just to be told “we’re working on it.” I saw friendships form. Trauma bonds. A girl near me started journaling. A child asked his mom, “Will we live here now?”

Finally, after nearly an hour, they called my name. No smile. No “thank you.” Just a quiet handoff of the bag like a peace offering. My Crunchwrap was warm. My Baja Blast hit. But the emotional damage? Eternal.

Taco Bell, I love you. But not like this. Not on a Sunday. Not at 11:30. I came in with faith and left with a full stomach and a thousand-yard stare.

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

Truckstop hookers have given the name Toothless The Dragon a brand new meaning

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

To the people who use Gas Station ATMs.

Are y'all okay Fam?

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

Desperation is the ultimate motivation. Ask any #stripper

[Max Levio @MAXLEVIO]

My house can smell my wallets fear