Maxpotter

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 I think we are proceeding from slightly different definitions. Sussing out the points we both want to make would be require another forum. I'll pick up next time I'm in the UK, we can talk it out over a cigar.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 It is unfair to the Dom to make the Dom the "other guy" without knowing.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 "Everyone aware" includes the Dom. I have some partnered subs, their bf/husbands are aware of me. I want to know if a sub has a partner so I can make good decisions. And I have a right to choose if I want to engage with a partnered sub.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 I have subs with skills I don't have. That makes them more valuable for me. I do listen to them in their areas (tax, real estate, etc.). It is one of the reasons I took them. Their skills make them valuable. I want to use my valuables.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 In addition to confidence, I believe a Dom needs competence. In kink or (better - and) out of kink. To do and to do well. So confidence has a basis in reality.

[Will Hartley @WillHartley1980]

It’s also worth asking whether they’re actually being arrogant and rude, or whether they’re giving an answer you didn’t want, setting a boundary, challenging an assumption, or declining something.

Sometimes that’s arrogance.
Sometimes it’s just a person not performing customer service for strangers on the internet.
The two can look surprisingly similar from the outside.

There's also a wider context.
Over the years, a lot of people within the BDSM community have watched an influx of newcomers arrive with little understanding or respect for the culture, history, etiquette, or the reasons certain structures exist.
That can become frustrating.

Particularly when some of the same people still view kink practitioners as mentally ill perverts on one hand, while simultaneously expecting unlimited access to them on the other.

Nobody is owed access to somebody else's time, attention, labour, education, body, dynamic, or community.

Many of the boundaries, ethics, and structures people complain about weren't created to exclude people.

They were created to protect the community.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

Submission takes many forms, one that always gets me is the intellectual sub, the strong mind that kneels. The thought and consideration behind that surrender is beautiful.

[BLUF 337 @BLUF337]

intimacy

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 Shame can be useful as well. I don't want to be a bad Dom, I don't want a sub to be disappointed because I forgot something. Not wanting to have that happen pushes me to make sure it doesn't.

Even the negative can be turned, if you do it right.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 "Practice" is what many things are called. Because you change and grow in it. Dynamics are a practice. As you strive to be a better Dom or sub, so should those with you. In part because you have improved, in part because they are also practicing.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 Gremlin is totally correct in this.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 One thing I see in new Doms that appears to be a lack of confidence is learning that the sub wants to be commanded - and this is different from how Western society expects people to act. Take the time to adjust to a new paradigm. Recognize that you are.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 Presuming it's how the dynamic works. Which it often does. I don't run subs off that way, but give them a submissive thrill.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 As a Dom, I like the opportunities to be "selfish", having a sub just do whatever I want for a period of time. I don't have to be concerned about their sexual pleasure, have drinks & cigars brought to me, whatever. All the time knowing the sub is getting off on it.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 Compatibility is fluid. Some are good to put on a cross, whip, and take down. Some are occasional, some are forever. All that is needed ("All", eh?) is knowing what it is. Be fine with it, don't force forever when an hour is all there is.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 When a sub has a limitation, that is a challenge to experience and skill. Can you Dom without all the "tried and true". The desire to serve in a sub is not lessened, the rush of domination is not either. It is as new and glorious experience as any.

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 Involvement of autism or OCD means the Dom should consider the ramifications of the commands. How they will be received, how they will be obeyed. How is that anything but good in improving a practice as a Dom?

[Maxpotter @Maxrpotter]

@WillHartley1980 I say "worked with" because we realized together we would not be a match, but enjoy each others company. Go into it with a clear head and domination can be right for both, what it needs to be at that time.