Rahm Emanuel

Your next motherfucking mayor. Get used to it, assholes.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

And now all I can hear is that music, and suddenly everything just fucking...

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

I can see a thousand fucking skylines, and they are all as motherfucking glorious as the first, and I can feel the touch of my friends.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

Quaxelrod flies over, and dips his little head, touching my fading shoe. Hambone just curls softly between my invisible legs.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

Carl the Intern can't even make eye contact, but he's reaching out, and I touch his hand. And he says, "I love you," and I say "I know."

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

And that song's still playing from the car radio, on a never-fucking ending loop from hell.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

And I can see myself starting to fade out, and I hear Axelrod whispering the fucking Kaddish quietly to himself, tears streaming.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

And then the sky fucking opens up on us, and there's chunks of ice flying down. And it's pretty clear that the party's over.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING TIME VORTEX. I FUCKING LOVE DANCING WITH MY FRIENDS.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

And we've pulled the Civic over, turned up "Separate Ways," and we're fucking dancing out here on the motherfucking streets!

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

We're driving down Elston when, all of a fucking sudden Axelrod's radio starts working. It's playing that fucking Journey song!

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

Picked up Carl the Intern at Lane Tech, after his mathletes practice. Carl's first words: "There's not much time left." Motherfuck.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

Knowing I'm entering a time vortex tonight would be a lot more tolerable if I could get Journey's "Separate Ways" out of my fucking head.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

Tossing bread to Quaxelrod under the Cortland street bridge. The view from here is motherfucking incredible.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

Driving around in Axelrod's Civic, doing loops around the block outside Chico's offices, my ass hanging out of the missing window, laughing.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

Watching Axelrod eat at Manny's is like watching Da Vinci paint the motherfucking Mona Lisa: a work of art.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

And we sit down and plan out one last, perfect, day: Lunch at Manny's, mooning Chico, tossing fucking bread to Quaxelrod.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

And we hug, and I give Axelrod that look that asks, "Are you going to be OK?" And he gives me that look that says "Who fucking knows."

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

"There must be something we can do..." But there's not. Only things that fucking suck never end: look at laundry, or dishes.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

Axelrod looks up, tears filling his eyes and says, simply, "don't go." Fucking time portals are a son of a bitch.

[Rahm Emanuel @MayorEmanuel]

We're sharing a cup together in the crawlspace, and I can tell that Axelrod's trying not to cry by the way his mustache fucking quivers.