Michael McAteer

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

So apparently you are either born a morning person or you’re not.

Just told my two year old that I love her more than the biggest thing she can think of.

Sweet, right? Her response?

“Can you just leave me alone?”

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

@ClarkHowe Haha yeah sports 🥎

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

@ClarkHowe @CoachHaack09 Did you try sucking less?

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

When I’m away from home, I think the thing my wife misses most is picking the lint out of my belly button. I’m talking the most missed thing about me.

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

@MarkWalton04 I ain't mad, McGregor kept up with the best at a sport he had to restrain himself for

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

@VincentBoemio Sounds like she's been dumped by a Harvey

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

@JakeArmi I'dve been pissed if I hadn't seen it.

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

The guy that gets to the stop sign first, but waves at you to go. Don't be that guy. We have rules.

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

I was always a coordinated child.

[chuuch @ch000ch]

still wondering how "pokemon go to the polls" failed to seal the win

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

@BuckyIsotope

[Humidity and Horns @HOUchowe]

If someone's tweet ever blows up from quote tweeting me, I'm deletin my tweet before it goes too viral. You can't bounce off me for retweets

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

When you find out that there will be a Friday the 13th in October https://t.co/Npsh6QIhS2

[Brendan O'Hare @brendohare]

I Recently Realized That Our Society Does Not Respect Tires Enough

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

For those who can't seem to figure it out

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

Alright dads I need some help.
It's been a week and she still isn't talking to me. Every time I ask what's wrong she just starts crying.

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

PSA

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

This has to be the best sign of all time

[Michael McAteer @McAteerMike]

@ClarkHowe no time 4 h8rs