Brendan

Good Morning everybody and welcome to 4th of July weekend. I know a lot of you are going to comment that it's also Canada day, and that's cool, but I'm not really going to write about that. Canada didn't really have the entire British empire breathing down their next and trying to tax their tea and their crumpets. I fully respect that Canada became a self governing country and I really like the people of Canada a lot, but you guys pretty much were able to say like hey this is our land and we're just gonna live here and then nobody really cared. It was like running in an election but there was no opponent. Maybe that's why people in Canada have such better personalities than people in the United States, because United States people had to tooth and claw for everything we had (in the 1700s) just to get away from the British people with bad teeth who were constantly trying to nickel and dime us every time we wanted to buy a loaf of bread down at the town square. Eventually we were like dude fuck this, this is so dumb and then we literally went to war against the brits in the American revolution which was pretty badass. It's crazy that sometimes two different groups of people have to shoot each other in the head with muskets just to settle some basic issues like property tax, HOA assessments, and shit like that. It's a tale as old as time: it all comes down to money. I fully support the pilgrims for being like, if you guys keep taxing us on everything we are buying at the supermarket we are eventually going to shoot you in the face with cannonballs. Stop being so greedy. If I was there I would have been like dude we sailed across the entire ocean bro, this is our fucking land and we already spent almost all our money trying to get here (not really their land though, native Americans had this shit first but that's a different story). Like you guys already have the United Kingdom on the other side of the ocean, why do you need our shit over here? Anyways, yeah so I think Canada people are much more chill just because they didn't have to put up with as much bullshit as the colonials did. Imagine getting off the mayflower on Plymouth Rock and just trying to build a home with your family but then the British empire troops just keep eating breakfast in your kitchen and flirting with your wife. I'd be pissed off too. Dude, get the fuck out of my house haha we just sailed for 50 days across the ocean with no GPS or snacks. Go find your own fucking shit. Anyways, speaking of the American revolution I think it's really cool that the douchebags of Boston were the first ones to be like yup if they tax me one more time we are going to war. I'm pretty sure they were the first ones to do that. America had 13 colonies and everyone knows the colonies in the DMV area were for sure a bunch of pussies, so the people of Boston had to step up to the plate. They really had to stick their boots in the mud and be like if you guys tax our tea, our favorite thing, there will be blood. It makes me realize why the people of Boston are so hard-nosed. Like they were down to stand in a line across from the British army wearing leather boots and wool flannels and say if you guys don't stop taxing our drinks we will risk it all and die for this fucking shit, we don't care. I could be wrong on this, but I'm pretty sure the colonials in Philly swooped into Boston and provided backup too. Makes total sense now why Philly people are natural born pricks - they had to be. Boston and Philly people basically shaped the United States of America, you gotta respect that in some capacity. I don't even know how I got into this mess of explaining 100% correct accurate US history but its so fucking sick that 13 colonies (carried by Boston and Philly) rose up against the British empire and made their own country. It's cool that they did that hundreds of years ago and then this weekend we celebrate it by watching joey chesnut suck on hotdogs until his face turns purple. Like there's so many different cool traditions of celebrating our independence and we didn't even do shit, we're just partying because our old ancestors really did that shit for real. It's also weird though because our ancestors for sure did some mean shit to native Americans but also is it even rational to apply todays morals with the morals of hundreds of years ago? I'm not saying it was right to bait and switch people into thinking you founded America, because mf's were already here, but back then that's kinda how shit went down. It was such a dog eat dog world. Seize and conquer, over and over again. Pretty wild to think about. I do not feel bad for any American dude that got shot in the head with a bow and arrow by a Native American, we definitely deserved that for sure. Gettin back to 4th of July traditions, we definitely owe it to dudes like Tommy Jefferson and the other founding fathers to fully enjoy this weekend. Hot dogs, burgers, joey chesnut sucking down dogs, hearing about an NFL player that will inevitably blow his entire hand off in a fireworks accident, bonfires, big ass trucks, baseball games, barbecues, all that shit. It's 100% a vibe that you can't really get away from. I feel like you'd have to be an absolute psychopath to even feel an ounce of stress this weekend. Whatever you're dealing with, do not let it get to you. Wait until next week for that. What you're going through cannot be as bad as fighting an actual war with guns while wearing sheepskin armor like our founding fathers had to do JUST to not be taxed. Now that I think of it, we are kind of pussies for not starting our own revolution. Like how are you about to tax my income but then I gotta pay tax on a sandwich. That's a double tax, you can't triple stamp a double stamp. So funny how Nancy Pelosi literally is buying boutique banks in curaçao and running her google stock money through it and nobody says a word because she hires her own compliance team and there's no checks and balances when you own your own banks offshore, but I have to go on turbo tax and explain that I hit a 3 team MLB parlay and that's where the 2,000 dollars came from. Like what the actual fuck is that dude. Anyways, the point of this post is that I hope everybody enjoys the weekend and sets aside any stress or any issues in their life. Eat god damn cheese burger in a backyard, you know? Have 9 beers before 2 pm. Life is way too short to not do shit like that. I don't know, I know it's trendy now to get a lot of sleep and not eat bread and all that but I think this weekend we all need to take a deep breath and have a couple chilly ones and remember to be in the moment and just live your fucking life. You know what I mean? Idk dude. I'm just so happy I have the right, as an American, to walk into bar today and say hey how's it goin can I get a Woodford on the rocks? and the bartender says sure thing boss, and then I say you know what? make it a double. and then he says I like the way you think, and we laugh together. that really puts a smile on my fucking face that I get to do that all weekend.

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