Being there for ourselves, having our own back, being on our own side, is more important to trauma recovery than "forgiving" anyone, "desensitizing" ourselves to anything, or "leaving the past in the past" (whatever the f*ck that actually means).
Breathe; blink; focus.
Did you "overreact?" Eh, maybe-- but that's what a trigger is. We're reacting both to something here & now AND something not-here, not-now...& as far as our nervous system's concerned, it actually IS a proportional response.
No shame. We'll figure it out. It DOES track, somehow.
Being alone on a holiday or what "should" be a special occasion DOESN'T mean there's something wrong w/ you. There are LOTS of reasons why LOTS of people don't have a place to go on those days.
Don't let trauma convince you you're just the sum of your social opportunities.
Often it's NOT as simple as we get triggered, then we just get past it. Some people reading this know what it's like to get triggered, & have to spend a day or two recovering. IYKYK.
It's why it's frustrating when "triggered" gets tossed around to mean "annoyed" or "offended."
Imagine being physically violated in some way - devastating, horrifying. Now imagine being psychologically violated - no one can see it. No one knows.
Now imagine telling someone & they deny or diminish it or worse say: it’s none of my business. Devastating, a compound trauma.
Trauma did NOT make you stronger.
It traumatized you, broke your heart, dysregulated your nervous system, gave you PTSD, sleepless nights, trust issues, connection difficulty, almost killed you, and stole your will to live.
YOU made + make yourself stronger…through healing.
When we've spent the first few decades of our lives numbing the sh*t out of ourselves just to survive, we often wake up in adulthood to realize we still feel like a kid on the inside.
A lot of trauma recovery is the "growing up" we didn't have the safety to do back then.
An abuser doesn't recognize you as an individual person in your world. They see you as a character in theirs. To suggest you make amends, or learn to understand this type of person, is to suggest you leave reality & once again adapt back to the character they've created for you.
Loyalty is not owed to anyone, anywhere. You offer loyalty when it’s rooted in mutual respect. Forced loyalty to someone who is hurting you is called abuse.
Trauma survivors' "problem" is NOT that we can't endure hard things. We've been enduring hard things for most of our lives-- you don't know.
It's more that our nervous system is exhausted & misfiring when it comes to things that the rest of the world thinks "should" be "easy."