Melissa Murdock

Everything’s coming up Milhouse [She/Her] 🏳️‍🌈

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

I believe in traditional marriage- so unless you can give my dad 10 acres of land and a herd of sheep you can return that ring

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

@JuliaMacDonal10 💀

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

Showing people my Era’s tour seats like I’m a new parent pulling my newborn’s picture out of my wallet

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

🥲🇨🇦 goodbye goodbye goodbye, you were bigger than the whole sky

[Taylor Swift @taylorswift13]

EXCUSE ME HI I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY 🙋‍♀️ I can’t wait to see so many of you on The Eras Tour next year at these new international dates! Visit https://t.co/EYBevxhQzH for more information on your registrations, pre-sales and on-sales!!

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

How I look leaving for work at 6am during June bug season

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

If Charles dies within the next 72 hours he’d become the shortest reigning monarch in British history and, incidentally, the funniest person to ever walk the earth

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

Can’t wait for Dear John (38 minute version) (Taylor’s Version)

[Mary @knoxdiver]

I just want to say congratulations to Taylor Lautner. He is unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In his lane. Focused. Flourishing. Thriving. He knows he's good for Speak Now TV.

In contrast, John Mayer is probably trying to figure out how to go into Witness Protection.

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

@JuliaMacDonal10 Me at 2am on night shift explaining to all my middle aged coworkers (who do not care) the significance of high infidelity and gorgeous on the same night

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

New Brunswick Swifties I’m telling you she’s going to announce Moncton dates any minute now 🤡

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

Where was all this outrage when I was being forced into the church basement once a week so a grown man in a dress could read me stories? At least the drag queens do the voices.

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

@SaintJohnPickle

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

(Murders aside) As somebody who has a hard time remembering to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer, I really have to commend the planning and attention to detail it takes to be a killer in a Scream movie

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

Thoughts and prayers to all the sad girlies in Atlantic Canada 🥲🥲 wrong Halifax

[boygenius @xboygeniusx]

London and Halifax this August with @whereisMUNA and @mothercain. fan presale starts 10am GMT this Wed, 1st March. pre-order 'the record' from the official UK store before 5pm GMT this Tuesday, 28th February to get access: https://t.co/HlqB9XIYVn

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

@Joshstrangehill My reaction to anything remotely positive happening

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

@BlumAgainCurios The 7 habits of high effective people? that one has been floating around since the early 90’s

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

@nonbinaryknigh1 One of the MC in Some Girls Do by Jennifer Dugan is a track runner

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

No new year’s resolution for me, in 2023 I’m committing to being Worse

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

Either some losers are setting off fireworks at 8:45pm or one of my neighbors has been shot, alas I’ve taken to bed like a sickly Victorian widow and can’t be bothered to check

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

@mangi_txt Let character actors chew the scenery again!

[Melissa Murdock @Melissa_Murdock]

Every landlord tonight drafting a text like
“HELLO TENANTS
If your car is not out of the parking lot by 6am so we can plow I will be throwing a lit match in your gas tank and pissing on your grandmother’s grave.
THANK YOU”