Michael Misconi

Filmmaker (@digitalzoetrope), Director, Producer, and Publisher of comics (@bluejuicecomics). I make my living making the stuff you watch and read.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@OmarKelly Don’t be mad at Omar for pointing out that Wannstedt is the last Dolphins head coach to win a playoff game. He’s just the messenger.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@OmarKelly I saw this movie in theater with my cousin when I was 14 years old and absolutely laughed my ass off. It’s definitely one of those movies that I stop and watch when I’m flipping channels and see that it’s on.

[Ancient History Hub @AncientHistorry]

Everyone calls Spartacus Hollywood slop. They're wrong about that, and the truth is more disturbing than the show.

The 6,000 crucifixions along the Appian Way? Real. After Crassus crushed the rebellion in 71 BC, he lined a 120-mile road from Capua to Rome with crosses, one roughly every 35 meters, and left the bodies hanging there for years as a public warning. The historian Appian, writing in the 2nd century, gives us the number. No archaeologist has ever needed to dig them up. Rome made sure everyone remembered.

The escape itself happened almost exactly as the show depicts it. Plutarch tells us roughly 70 to 78 gladiators broke out of Lentulus Batiatus's ludus in Capua armed with kitchen knives and cooking spits, intercepted a wagon of gladiator weapons on the road, and used those to defeat the first Roman cohort sent after them. Batiatus is a real person. The ludus in Capua is real. You can visit the ruins.

The Vesuvius episode is one of the wildest things ever recorded in ancient warfare, and the show actually tones it down. The rebels camped on the volcano. The Roman praetor Glaber blockaded the only path down and waited for them to starve. So Spartacus had his men weave ladders out of wild grape vines, rappel down the cliff face on the opposite side at night, swing around behind the Roman camp, and slaughter the legionaries in their sleep. Frontinus, a Roman general writing a military strategy manual a century later, used the maneuver as a textbook example of tactical genius.

Crixus, Gannicus, Oenomaus, Agron the Gaul: all named in Plutarch and Appian. Crixus really did split from Spartacus over strategy and was killed when his contingent was caught by Roman forces in Apulia. Spartacus's response, recorded by Appian, was to force 300 Roman prisoners to fight each other to the death as funeral games for Crixus. Gladiator games in reverse, with Romans as the entertainment. The show could not have made that up if it tried.

Crassus decimating his own legion? Real. After his subordinate Mummius disobeyed orders and got two cohorts mauled, Crassus revived the ancient punishment of decimatio, executing one in every ten survivors by lot, chosen by the soldiers' own comrades. Plutarch says the army became more afraid of Crassus than of Spartacus.

The betrayal by the Cilician pirates, who took Spartacus's money and never sent the ships meant to ferry his army across to Sicily? Real. The enormous ditch and wall Crassus dug across the toe of Italy to trap him, 300 stadia long according to Plutarch, roughly 55 kilometers? Real. The breakout through that line in the middle of a snowstorm? Also real.

Spartacus himself was almost certainly a former Roman auxiliary soldier, a Thracian who had served in the Roman army, deserted, been recaptured, and condemned to the arena. That is the most likely reason he kept beating Roman legions in open battle. He had been trained by them.

What the show actually exaggerates is surprisingly small. The blood spray is CGI. The sword choreography is too acrobatic for real gladius combat, which was a brutal short-range stabbing affair, less ballet and more meat grinder. Roman elites did not literally have orgies every Tuesday. Naevia's storyline is invented. Gannicus is promoted from a footnote in Plutarch into a series lead.

But the cruelty, the casual sexual violence against the enslaved, the spectacle of human beings butchered for sport in front of cheering crowds, the political backstabbing in the Senate, the way Crassus used the slave war to launder his way into Pompey's league of great men, the crucifixions, the funeral games with Roman captives: that is not Starz turning up the volume. That is the volume Rome was already at.

The most historically accurate thing about Spartacus is that it makes you uncomfortable watching it. That was the point of the original spectacle too. Rome wanted you uncomfortable. Rome wanted everyone uncomfortable. That is how an empire of that scale stayed standing as long as it did.

The show did not invent the horror. Rome did.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@305miami6924 You have over 37,400 followers. Thats the size of a small city.

Statistically speaking, you’re bound to run into a few nut jobs with each post. Just ignore them like most of society ignores the people talking to themselves on the side of the road.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@schadjoe

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@SInow @ByPatForde Leonard Hamilton over Todd Golden for #25? Pffftt.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@BigOShow Lightning hit a similar wall after going to 3 straight Cup finals. Lost in the first round to Toronto. It happens. The human body can only take so much.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@305miami6924 Agreed

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@jacobk773 @schadjoe Nah, they’ll win more than 4 games. Why? Because that will ensure they screw up their odds of drafting a franchise QB.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@schadjoe Since the owners no longer want these made public, I suggest that we make these frozen in time and keep using them every year as if they are current, since it’s the last accurate datapoint that we’re allowed to have.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@schadjoe Let the excuses begin…

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@OmarKelly We always use Veronica from CruiseOne. As a travel agent, she has access to all the latest deals and her commissions come from the cruise line so you don’t pay her for her services. She’s in south Florida too.

https://t.co/xLc34fBHDt

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@DKThompson Not only is the best hockey in the world played in Florida, but the best outdoor hockey game has now been played in Florida. The north is in shambles.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@MiaFins1 @AlPoppie25 Stop it with your rational thoughts. This is the internet!

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@BigOShow The Dolphins’ luck continues…

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@schadjoe They’ve been embarrassed on a national stage so the hunt for a scapegoat commences.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@DavidBearman @ArmandoSalguero Agreed.

Also, the NFL can safely always put Miami in the middle since they are no threat to ever make the Super Bowl or be a threat to even be interesting.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@GinaMuscato Analytics is a disease.

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

What an amazing experience it was to film this rollout today. Can’t wait for this to launch to the moon! #ArtemisII

[L3Harris @L3HarrisTech]

It's rollout day! The @NASAArtemis II rocket is making it’s way to Launch Pad 39B. Next stop: the Moon. 🌙

[Michael Misconi @MichaelMisconi]

@BigOShow Jeff George is the perfect comp for Herbert.