Mikey ADHD

I AM MIKEY AND I AM 10 AND I CAN DRAW A HORSE BUT NOT WITH LEGS BECAUSE HE IS ON A SKATEBOARD.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

I'M HOME FROM SCHOOL ALREADY BECAUSE TODAY WAS A HALF DAY FOR ANYONE WHO STARTED A FIRE.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

@IsJonas MY FAMILY HAS THOSE TOO. THAT’S CALLED THEIR “HOUSE”

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

FACT: HALF OF THE PEOPLE WITH A HAND OR NECK TATTOO WILL LET YOU BORROW A LIGHTER.
FACT: EVERY SINGLE PERSON WITH A FACE TATTOO HAS AT LEAST ONE THING ON THEM THAT THEY’LL LET YOU LIGHT ON FIRE.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

IF THEY HAVE ME SAY GRACE I’M GOING TO PRAY THE TOILET IN GRANDMA’S GUEST BATHROOM CAN MAKE IT THROUGH 10-15 POOPS TODAY.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

THANKSGIVING IS ABOUT EATING FOOD THEN PLAYING BOARD GAMES WITH YOUR UNCLE PERCY UNTIL HE SHOWS YOU A PICTURE OF A NAKED LADY ON HIS PHONE.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

MY SCHOOL’S THANKSGIVING PARTY GOT REAL AUTHENTIC WHEN I CAME IN WITH A HORSE AND MY PRINCIPAL TOOK IT FROM ME.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

MAYBE CONSERVATIVES ARE OKAY WITH ROY MOORE CAUSE THEY THINK A PEDOPHILE IS SOMEONE THAT CAN MAKE THE ENDS OF THEIR TOENAILS SMOOTH BY WALKING A LOT.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

WANT CHANGE FOR KIDS LIKE ME? GET OUT & VOTE.

HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE? JUST SEND THE VOTING BOOTH YOUR THOUGHTS & PRAYERS.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

YOU CAN HAVE MY THOUGHTS & PRAYERS BUT I’M NOT RELIGIOUS & ALL I️ THINK ABOUT ARE FARTS & TOUCHING THINGS WITH MY WEINER IF THAT’S ANY HELP.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

SKIPPING SCHOOL TODAY TO GO TRICK OR TREATING AS A TIME TRAVELER WAS A BUST. MOSTLY GOT PACKETS OF RAMEN & CHASED BY THE POLICE ON MY BIKE.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

I THREW MY TV OUT MY BEDROOM WINDOW JUST IN CASE NETFLIX CHARGES KEVIN SPACEY $9.99 A MONTH TO BINGE WATCH ME TOO.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

I ONLY TRICK OR TREAT TO YELL “I HAVE DIARRHEA” & SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE LET ME RUN INTO THEIR KITCHEN & PRETEND TO USE THEIR SINK AS A TOILET.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

ANY TIME IS A GOOD TIME TO TRY TO START A “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS,” SING ALONG, BUT THE ABSOLUTE *BEST* TIME IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUNERAL.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

THERE’S NO SONG SCARIER THAN “THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND.” IT’S BASICALLY SAYING “HERE’S 240 YEARS OF DIRTY DIAPERS, THESE ARE YOURS NOW, KIDS.”

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

GRANPA WAS IN WW2 SO INSTEAD OF KNEELING DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM HE STANDS STRAIGHT UP & GOES TO TAKE A GIANT DUMP BEFORE THE GAME STARTS

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

VICTORIA SECRET KICKS YOU OUT OF THE STORE IF YOU'RE ASKED WHAT'S IN YOUR MOUTH AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO SIGN LANGUAGE "29 PAIR OF UNDERWEAR."

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

I CANT' BELIEVE IT'S BEEN 8 YRS SINCE I STOPPED TELLING PEOPLE GHOST STORIES AROUND THE CAMPFIRES I'D START IN MACYS.
#MYTWITTERANNIVERSARY

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

YOU KNOW HOW WHEN A BIG PILE OF TRASH IS IN THE COMPOST PILE THE MIDDLE GETS ALL STEAMY WITH STANK? OK WELL THAT'S U RIGHT NOW AUNT SHIRLEY.

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

MOM SAYS I CAN'T BE LEFT HOME ALONE BUT IT'S OK GRANDMA WATCHES ME EVEN THOUGH YESTERDAY I SAW HER TRY TO USE AN IN & OUT BURGER AS A SANDAL

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

YES YOU CAN USE THE CASKET LID TO PRETEND IT'S EATING THE DEAD BODY THAT'S WHY THEY SPELL "FUNERAL" WITH THE SAME LETTERS AS "REAL FUN."

[Mikey ADHD @MikeyADHD]

JUST FYI, YOUR TOOTHBRUSHES ARE NOW COLOR CODED. THE BLUE ONE IS CLEAN, DONT SMELL THE GREEN ONE & YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO BURN THE ORANGE ONE.