Michelangelo

Just a ninja with a turtle shell

[Raphael @raph_TMNT]

Whoa...I've been so busy remembering all those lines for our movies I forgot all about Twitter! @Donnie_TMNT @MikeyTMNT @Leo_TMNT

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

So im in Wal Mart flippin through this here Cosmopolitan with @MileyCyrus....this clearly not the frozen aisle but whatever

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

I was born by the sewer, live and die by the sewer, but you basterds will respect my freshness

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

The fundamental Vick slide will get you killed

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

The luckiest thing to happen for the Eagles all season was that fumble

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

This game is showing the real art of miss tackling

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

I watch football and i know football by the way

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

Mm. I have never been more amazed by beauty since i stood in an all you can eat pizza buffet line

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

Girl thicker than 13 stuffed crust pizzas stacked on top of each other

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

Baby girl smelling sweeter than 5 boxes of pineapple pizza with cinnamon breadsticks on the side

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

Girl you sexier than a slice of pepperoni pizza with garlic sauce dripping down the crust

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

Easy

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

.....just as i sat my glass of water down.....while doing squats....talking on the phone.....while reading "Quantum Physics for dummies"

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

Just killed a fly.......with one hit......with my nunchuck.....with my eyes closed....backwards.....while turning the channel...(cont)

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

And then i woke up

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

Then she starts taking her clothes off and what not, so i slap her on her butt cheek because she bent over as i was aiming for her face

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

....and im all like 'whooaa, what the hell bro!', and pull out 200 ones and throw it at her because i was scared

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

We were sitting around, politicin', getting money, sipping coffee, and then this stripper walks in......

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

I winked at your mom today. She didnt have paper so i signed 'Mikey' somewhere on the cleavage area.

[Michelangelo @MikeyTMNT]

A wise man behind a concession stand cash register once said, 'heres your pizza, and i owe you change'