Simple Jack

My favorite hobby is beer #Beerme

[Pig Facts @FactsAboutPigs]

Pigs are like flamingos; pink and beautiful.

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

Will the real slim shady please sit down

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

Basically just been drawing blunts on Snapchat all day

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

Just deleted all my texts for the first time since owning a smart phone.. you would not belive the amount of storage I just freed up

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

@laurakoepsell God bless you Laura I really appreciate that

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

Will someone help me become YouTube famous so that I can eventually meet and marry Jess Greenberg?

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

I'm going to write a book titled "common sense" and the people that should read it won't..so I'll just use it to hit them in the head with

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

I swear some people are about as useless as a white color crayon, seriously who the hell ever used the white color crayon?

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

I just gotta keep on being a good person and good things are gonna happen to me - Joe Dirt

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

You know a wallet is a lot like a pecker, if you keep it in your pants you're gonna be safe, but everyone knows it's more fun to whip it out

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

Call me crazy but believe it or not I actually prefer pissing outside over some fancy indoor toilet any day

[Pig Facts @FactsAboutPigs]

Pigs make the world go 'round, pigs make your girl go down.

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

When a truck driver walks into work and says " I gotta take a big shit, you better call ahead to haz-mat... You got any crime scene tape?"

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

Disregard my last tweet I'm actually quite happy that all these Pokemon go people now have a reason to leave the tv and walk around outside

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

Iv never played Pokemon go or any other Pokemon for that matter, but if you're old enough for a cell phone you're too old for that app

[Simple Jack @Mills94Sam]

If i would have known then what I know now