Miranda Helena

Making questionable fashion decisions and inappropriate sarcastic remarks since 1992

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

A three year old just looked around my living room for 20 seconds and goes "whoa, it's spooky in here"
The absolute best compliment I've ever gotten 🦇🦇

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

After a convo about Coquito, my director approved us making it for our holiday brunch next week WITH the rum and .....
These people have no idea how blasted they'll be by lunch 😂😂

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

If anything, my #SpotifyWrapped proves that it wasn't just a phase, I've just been unironically listening to the same songs for the last 15 years.

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

@_cschreibs How dare you not fall over yourself to thank him for stating the likely obvious. How else are they going to know they're the most important-est?

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

@GovernorKayIvey @ALACNAlabama @AlabamaAchieves @JeanaRoss4kids Ma'am, it's literally entirely your fault the state of Alabama doesn't have "quality" ANYTHING as it relates to children and education.

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

Like clockwork every year, the first day it's moderately temperate someone looks at my sandals and asks
"Aren't your feet cold?"

Ma'am... It's 70 degrees and mostly sunny... Let's dial it back a little

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

@KevOnStage Warning you now- they also lose their puppy teeth and nothing prepared me for finding a molar in my bed one night.

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

@GovernorKayIvey It's downright hilarious to see you talk of responsibility towards others when you can't even bother to do the literal bare minimum to stop your constituents from dying over your own ignorance.
I hate living in this trash pile of a state.

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

I need a remake of the Scorpion King movie.
And by that I mean change absolutely nothing about the movie except update the CGI.
We can't do the Rock like that.. we have the ability to do better

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

Anyone else's brain violently dislike today?
Just me?

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

These home submissions are ruining my fashion show. Distressed jeans are so 2003

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

Everything about this outfit is a win
The shoes
The bowtie
THE BUTTONS?!?

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

Oooh yes Surtain
This a L E W K

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

Husband wanted to watch the draft, I did not.
So we compromised:
He's watching the draft
I'm watching a very masculine fashion show

[Geeky Waffle Network @Geeky_Waffle]

Today we are all Leslie Knope.

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

Someone just reminded me that "Robert E Lee day" is upcoming..
And suddenly it makes all the sense, of course those troglodytes committed treason, look who their role models are!?

[Erin Brockovich @ErinBrockovich]

The President has not been silenced. He has a press room right in his house. He’s more than welcome to step up to the podium, speak and even take some questions.

He is not a victim

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

"I have jewish grandchildren" is the new "I have a black friend"
#VPDebate2020

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

Consider this my blanket congratulations on your Quarantine baby announcements for the next 2 months.

[Miranda Helena @MirandaHM]

"Alabama is second down and 27.... This almost feels fair now"
#BAMAvsMIZ