Vasculitis Vixen™

When I'm not busy losing 15lbs. so I can fit behind my fridge to get an M&M, I'm tweeting jokes, writing a book, & speaking about my cause: beating Vasculitis.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

To transplant, or not to transplant. That is the question. All while your father is dying.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

The only drinking problem I have is that rehab won't allow the suitcase I packed to be filled with only my favorite shot glass and vodka.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

Apparently I have a speech problem at work. Everytime I go to say, "Screw you & this job." to my boss, it comes out as, "No problem, sir!"

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

When you begin to ponder getting a tattoo of a vicious dinosaur eating your boss, it's probably time to quit.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

"Ugh! You're doing it again." - What my bitch of a clock thinks when I stare at it on Fridays.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

I can't find my favorite pair of shoes! When do the people from America's Most Wanted show up???

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

"Well this hooker hopes she didn't bite off more than she can chew." - Overheard at the crocheting club I'm in.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

Remember, kids: one's morality shouldn't get a vacation, even when the weather turns ugly.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

"Embrace every moment as if you chose it yourself."

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

The only single men I find at the grocery store are on the fronts of the cereal boxes.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

If you throw me to the wolves, I'll return leading the pack.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

Save water. Drink wine.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

Is it just me or does it feel like we live in a giant snowglobe and someone has just given it a big shake.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

This tweet just got 1% cooler because I wrote it.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

Look on the bright side: Monday is one day closer to the weekend.

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

Happy Valentine's Day, lovers and one-day lovers!

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

There is a special place in Heaven for stupid people. It's called "The Repair Pile".

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

I think I just ran out of vodka. #BetterCallSaul

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

I just burned the "special" brownies. #BetterCallSaul

[Vasculitis Vixen™ @MistookMistake]

"Look at me! I'm so pretty and green. I'm SO healthy and vibrant!" - NOT my plants