Not Gerry Kelly MLA

One man. Four eyes. Two to-die-for cheekbones. No guns. Lots of style. An affectionate skit of Stormont's most fashionable MLA.

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Some funny fecker texted me to say Barry McElduff was part of the PAN-nationalist front after his Kingsmill tweet.

Still funnier than any of Barry’s comedy, I suppose.

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

@JamieBrysonCPNI Have you turned into Roy Walker? #Catchphrase #SayWhatYouSee

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

G.A.Y to close Sundays. And Mondays. Tuesdays too. Wednesdays as well. Not forgetting Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

The North Belfast constituency boundaries to be redrawn to take in Tigers Bay. Only Tigers Bay #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Paul Berry to be given a room at the House of Commons to provide sports massages to stressed members #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Kensington Palace to be given to Peter and Iris as a summer residence #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

The word evolution to be banned from the phrase Glorious Revolution #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Larne to be designated a city and Sammy Wilson to become Lord Wilson of Glynn #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

An Orange parade will take place on Pall Mall once a month. More if it annoys people #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Speaking of which, Dee Stitt will be given the Victoria Cross for defending his homeland #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

The UDA will replace the guards at Buckingham Palace #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Arlene Foster will be given a key role at the Treasury #RHI #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Willie McCrea will be given a starring role at the Royal Variety Show #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

The Magna Carta should be translated to Ulster-Scots #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

The Queen should be renamed King Billy #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

This boy needs removed by July or the deal is off. #DUPwishlist

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Keep it to yourself but I've seen the #DUPwishlist for getting into bed with Theresa May. So to speak...

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

@AllisonMorris1 @NiallSF 'Expert'. 'Experienced'. 'Classic'.

Less of the veteran, blondie.

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

@vinnybelfast Missing him as much as I missed another election.

[Not Gerry Kelly MLA @MLAGerryKelly]

Or indeed, @StephenNolan , as @vinnybelfast is presenting again today. Awkward. Carry on though, lads. https://t.co/ZJdFcLxRBy

[The Nolan Show, BBC @BBCNolan]

Good Friday's gone and the Easter break is over - unless you're an MLA! #BBCNolan